Steve Austin's Perfect Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Travels

Aliveness In The Moment...Negative Energy

2010-03-15T14:39:00.005-05:00

Weight: 228.6

Jiu-Jitsu is a harsh mistress...If you do not remain attentive during the time you are practicing the gentle art, the punishment comes swiftly...To have even a momentary lapse in judgment, assertiveness, or a tiny hesitation in the application of a movement brings you to the point where you are reacting rather than dictating your path...Once you react your are late; when you are late, you use strength; when you use strength, you tire; when you tire, you die!....Yesterday's training session with Marcus was one huge and long brain fart with many periods of being punished for inactivity, hesitation, and incorrect movement...Things I have been taught since my beginner stages, I completely forgot and just really was not there in the moment of training...Aliveness not only means being immersed in the moment and being able to feel rather than think through situations....It also means to see in advance, patterns and movements which will end up at best being a distraction, and at worst being true threats to your performance and well-being...I could not focus, and thus, the work I had planned in my head to attempt to work(securing my weight for passes, opening up my De La Riva game, negating the over under pass) all went by the wayside...It ended up being just an exercise in survival and catch up...that in and of itself is not a bad thing as bad situations must be practiced more than good ones to ensure the calmness of mind needed under adversity to turn a negative into a positive..That said, under the strain of mind and body I have had, seven 10 minute rounds (3min rest) with someone as proficient and assertive as Marcus can be challenging to say the least...anyway, I did do a few things well and realized my in-between and scramble games are very strong, as well as when I set my mind to use my leverage and motion in the passing game as well as attacking am I effective, but when I really needed to move in bad positions or to shut down things coming, I was not in the moment and either shut down or worse, made the diametrically opposite move to what should have been done...the end of this is that I am much more frustrated for having lost the training time on things I needed to work with him on specifically, that I am now jacked up so bad that I can't turn my neck sideways and my low back is locking every 30 min or so(these are result of me not being able to go to the doc to get these fixed prior to training, not to anything he did bad), and I worry that I am not able to control my mental state as I used to be able to do under fire...this in and of itself, against the elite at black belt is something as necessary as good technique and cardio to be successful but really just to be able to survive...I will attempt even hurting as I am, to train tonight to work these things as if I am to not make a complete fool of myself and lose quickly in the Pan Ams, I must work harder to eliminate my deficiencies...Jiu-Jitsu should allow a person to overcome deficiencies and be able to defeat those stronger and bigger than them...I need to get my mind right, and hopefully get the weakness in my hands/arms gone...then I can work through the other pains to be victorious in the battle to improve...I compete with my own inner self...I compete to do better than I did yesterday at a movement or position...Overcoming issues in mind and body, is something that must be done...No excuses...I am tired, and have miles to go before I sleep as the techniques I listed above must have a lot more sharpness (weeks worth at the very least) if they are to become what they must be to ensure my ability to just merely be competitive...I will sleep when I'm dead...

Events this week left me really questioning....not even questioning but truly hating the dreams I had of coaching...Amazing how jut a little hesitation, indecision, disingenuous manner can turn into a huge ball of bile making you really dislike things you loved....Even to question yourself...Honestly things I believed were part and parcel of Jiu-Jitsu, were shown to me to be nothing but idealistic folly in the minds of some...I thought nothing could take my joy that I got from training, competing, and teaching...I was mistaken...Whether I like it or not, i am true to what made me...the American values of I am entitled to do whatever I want and the customer is always right really should not apply in a lot of situations...Today people have no loyalty, no honor, and no respect for that which came before them and even made them...I have seen what I feel is the purity of Jiu-Jitsu...It is not always nice or pretty, nor does it always serve our own wants and desires but if followed, it will always serve our NEEDS!...I must be me and have to do things as I see them successful in other places and do what I feel will be for the best...Those who will be with me, will be...Those who will not, do not exist... I did not start to teach other than to get to a point I could train as I liked and give back something to people which has truly saved my life....I did not do it to be rich and thus I treat those who I deemed to be with me as family...Sadly, it seems, that just can;t be done with everyone.

My aim is to compete and prove my worth to myself as a black belt in jiu-jitsu in the vein of those I look up to and admire...My game is simply too underdeveloped and dirty for me to feel it is anything worthy of what I feel it should be...I think that is why my teaching isn't valued, and the achievements I have garnered do not weigh enough with sponsors to be able to support materially (other than BJJEdge, Jiu-Jitsuforums, and Athletic Body Care as they have done lots to help me to the best of their abilities and are really supportive of me and have been so) in amounts enough to make the tournaments I need to compete in to be in good championship rhythm a reality...By the way, than you very much to Caleb from TheFightworksPodcast.com for your donation bro! Has been the only one to date to do so through the site and it means a great deal that he did...I am blessed to have close friends and family who have helped and I thank God for them as well as a good job that I can pull from to make sacrifices and have the extra to ptake out of my pocket to go...Thing is, those I have mentioned all have personal interest in me...I want to work that my game is respected and admired by those I teach, those who have taught me, and those who are vendors, fans, and students of the sport...I have much to do to get to that point...I will work harder, I will sacrifice more, and the deficient, shoddy game I have now will improve...No matter what, I will be on the podium at Adult at age 40...I will fight on...

The Thought For The Day: The victory is in the pain. The fruit is in the labor. Delight in the work, as therein lies payment.

Take It Personal...

2010-03-12T15:02:00.004-06:00

Weight: 227.2

To journey into the land of the elite adult black belts and walk away with hardware, I have much to work on and need to refocus myself...My training will be come more intense and channeled towards being able to do the things I know I can do in other areas of my game and rely on them enough that I have no hesitation in using them...Twice daily, six days per week will be the schedule for my rolling/drilling...and I will concentrate more on my basics when teaching class from here on out...The fact that I will be able to work with Marcus as well as go to the Alliance training camp will be a huge help in progressing...Honestly though things are conspiring to keep me from the Pans...If things continue as they are, I won't make it there to put into practice what I am working on. I don't know what I will do if that comes to pass...Breaking my streak at Sr. 1(won at Purple and Brown), already made me reticent to go, though I am excited to see how I fare against the sports premier athletes in the prime of their lives...But now the thought of not even making it there after what I have done and will do to myself to be able to just stand on par with those guys is disheartening...Perhaps though, if God is willing and I come up with the funds some way, and I can show people that a guy of 39 years old can place or win, then maybe some sponsors will see me differently and this won't be an issue as I plan to test myself at Adult at all but the International Masters & Seniors World championships every tournament until Mundials when I am 40 and I finally say enough of competing with the youngsters...

Only a week away from the anniversary of my 39th year upon this planet, things seem foreign to me. The Jiu-Jitsu I know and love abandoned me in need for the first time in a LONG time. There is more that occurred last night and today that take me aback a bit in reference to the gentle art but right now on to the main things as they pertain to me personally. March 6th was the date, and my match for the gold in my weight class was against Bruno Bastos, arguably a top 5 talent in the world at anything over heavy weight. In that match he was very familiar with my game and worked to shut it down before I even started...In the match he had hold of my sleeve and ripped a hole in a brand new Dax Moskito GI...This GI is like a piece of iron and he just ripped it with a mere grab...anyways what I am so upset by in this match is the fact that beyond the ref allowing him to disengage as he did not wish to deal with my guard, I straight up froze as I was not used to being shut down in my game so thoroughly...It was as people say, when God closes a door, He pens a window....There were open windows ALL OVER, and I did not see them b/c I kept staring at the door...You must not become so fixated upon one aspect of your game in any match as it may not be able to be worked...Though this has not happened to me in I don't know how long, I went to my comfort zone and because he took that away, I was dominated that whole match until at about 9min30sec He went for a knee bar...Problem is, I honestly feel like had I struggled a tad more I would have defended and been out...I hate that feeling..I have not had it since a Blue Belt....I will not have it again...I got to meet Bruno again in the semi-finals of the open after a win on points in my first and a win by knee bar in the second...This time, I was positionally dominated but I got to my comfort zone and truly disgusted myself once again b/c I NEVER pulled the trigger! My defense was very good, and I noticed improvement in that area as being disciplined for the entire 10min is a must...This, is something that I had been working on as rolling with students and even some competitors, I could get away with tiny mistakes...At the level I wish to climb to, I can make no tiny mistakes! The only good I take away is my mental focus in the other matches and that my cardio was not shot, though it must be a great deal better...That said, now that I know I can work things to my advantage, I must pull the trigger efficiently, and expeditiously.

I must reinvent myself as a coach as well. I travel and see the respect and admiration other students have for their instructors and their instructors' lineage/team origins and I am envious...It seems as if my teaching and leadership skills are sorely lacking. Since I have been a Purple belt I have been teaching classes...Really since Blue I was assisting...Since then, through all the people I have assisted in class and the accomplishments I have done on my own, a grand total of three people sought me out from then until now to gain some insight though private classes...Part of this is because I believe it is right to give your all to the beginners as charging them for privates may not necessarily help them when their fundamental movements haven't been developed...that said, it's disheartening to know that whatever I may be seen as, it is definitely not seen as desirable to learn from me in that light...I have put everything I have into teaching at my school, and believe that if I can firmly implant a foundation of good fundamental movement, good command of the basic principles of the core Jiu-Jitsu techniques, and a knowledge of how the body works in concordance with what the aims of a technique are, that people will be much better off and excel...I hoped to give students even 1/4 of what I gained from Jiu-Jitsu...In as much, I returned every day from class happy as I could be, in the thought that I was respected enough to have them trust that I was leading them in the manner they should be...It really feels bad when you have not what you longed for and saw...How can I miss what I never had? I am always asked, how is your school doing? I am not one to lie so I say its small but I am happy...I am not a good businessman nor am I good at marketing so I am certain all that could be done to grow my school as a viable business is not occurring...I felt that the Jiu-Jitsu would win out. I felt that my passion for what I do, and the love I felt for my team would show through and make it successful in the long run by building a team/family atmosphere...I was reminded though that tings aren't personal...Everyone doesn't want to be part of a team etc...I guess the thing is, I must take someone's advice and be more professional. That is what I never wished to be...I feel it's wrong, but the more I travel, the more I keep meeting resistance in the form of folks wanting to do things their way...I progressed so fast because I trusted in my leadership to the point whatever they told me, I did, trusting that it would work out...And it always did. I have tired to be the person that whatever I sold, would be abel to be backed up...It is appreciated by some but most don't. I have to face that I am not the type of coach/insturctor that students look up to in that light...I am always questioned and it seems I am the one who ends up making the concession as the customer is always right...Right? Well, If I am not who I wish to be, I can only be me. I will train hard, I will teach what I know the way I know it should be taught. I will hold my standards up where I see them necessary to be. Those who choose to follow that, will get where they wish, in the manner they should...Those who don't will merely get techniques, and reach whatever height they will by their hand with some assistance from me...Sad to see it this way because I know for any other instructor, this would not be the case...But, I have work to do to gain more insight on more effectively teaching the techniques without having to place so much of my self into it....

There is a lot more to this but honestly, the sting of it makes me not wish to put it down...For those who don't know, there is a lot of detail I keep to myself to be more guarded...I write these to keep in mind what I went through and what I have overcome, that one day my child or students can look and see that if someone as lowly as myself made it, that they could as well...Forgive me for that...

I need to work more on my standing pass, and work more on differing attacks and sweeps from guard. as well as better aggression standing...I will work more on being me in my game, in my teaching, and in my life, and being happy with whoever that is...So, in that regard...I Fight On...

Thought For The Day: Isiah 33:1---"Woe to you who destroy, but you weren't destroyed; and who betray, but nobody betrayed you! When you have finished destroying, you will be destroyed; and when you have made an end of betrayal, you will be betrayed."

Today, Nobody Cares...But Tomorrow They Will...They WILL!

2010-03-03T14:56:00.003-06:00

Weight: 224.8

Training is draining....(Hey I made a rhyme!:))...but it is in a good way that it drains me...that said, a new hole has opened up in my guard game that it took the passing game of Marcus to detect...Defending the knee through pass, I am having a brain freeze it seems and rotating my hips the wrong way to defend and thus at times giving the pass easily...this is being worked on, but in the state I am in currently as for health and mental focus(or lack thereof), it seems not to be getting solved quickly or efficiently enough...I have a few new goals to shoot for...Not only to medal at this year's Pan and Mundial tournaments at Adult, in addition to defending my title at the Master&Seniors World championships, but to repeat in being a medalist at Adult in Pan and the World Championships next year when I turn 40(Turning 39 in a little more than 2 weeks from today). Even at the prime of one's life and Jiu-Jitsu career, this is something that only a tiny percentage of people ever achieve...In my declining state of physical being, coupled with the inability to focus solely on training, will be made exponentially more difficult...On top of this all, the sponsorship I do have covers registrations for tournaments, but nothing else...Which means any trips say to Brazil, California, etc for these championships comes out of my pocket....My extremely midget-short pockets...So anyways, Jesus bore his cross without lamentation....I have to just suck it up; as my time to be even close to being able to be even remotely competitive is drawing to a close...Whatever must be done to carry through until then, I will do...

Anyways, on to training...preparing for a tournament in the gym is necessary, but to truly get ready for what you will need to do to be victorious in battle is to actually contest matches when and where it counts...That being said, I will be preparing myself for Pans and Mundials at the Adult level starting this coming weekend in Houston...In addition to being able to see my students perform, I will also be making my debut as a referee in the IBJJF as well as competing with the caliber of competitor I will have to face and defeat in order to achieve the goals I have set...With a monster like Bruno Bastos in my division, my task is definitely not easy, also, as I will put my name in the hat for the Absolute division, with such names as Bill Cooper, Raphael Lovato, Jr., Rodrigo Pinheiro, Marcelo Azevedo, Gustavo Pires, Brad Court, etc etc etc, I should get a true and accurate gauge of where my training has placed me as well as what is needed to work more on...My takedown game has become much more solid, as has my pass game, which I am certain will be tested as most competitors I face look to pull guard as they wish to negate my strength of playing guard...I do hope that I get to work stand up to truly see where I am though as I am going to open my game up much more than usual...A lot of the half and open guard sweeps I use in practice, I think need to be tested at the highest level now...The holes in my game should be more evident after this weekend as they have become in my work and training with Marcus...That has yielded so many results as it is comfortable to feel the need to work hard every second,and to truly be able to learn from the little losses in battles as well as know when certain thins work, that they are ready for prime time as if they can work with him, I do not see many out there who they would not work against...

Physically, my lower back is locking up again...The muscles there, in my hips and in my mid-back are in a constant state of flexion, and I am in pain pretty much all the time...My shoulders, especially the left one, have something blocking or grating on my nerves so that my forearms and hands are affected a LOT!...That said, I do have that familiar, good-sore feeling after training again...I relish that feeling, and just knwo that if I can make it through the way I feel health-wise, and deal with the money/emotional/interpersonal problems of every day and still get to where I wish to be, then I can be truly proud of achievements gained....In that vein....I Fight On....

Thought For The Day: Ephesians 6:13 - Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

I Get Delirious

2010-02-26T11:13:00.003-06:00

Weight: 222.2

No not the song...But My thought process...In order to go where you have never been, you must do what you have never done...I wish to place not in my age group, but in the adult premier division at Pan Ams and Mundials...Now at Brown belt I have placed at Mundials as well as at Brazilian Nationals so I am confident in my skills to a point, but the Black belt class is a bit different...I am not able to be a full time training competitor as most of the successful(i.e. CHAMPIONS) guys at black belt are...I know I am at a disadvantage because of age as well as my relative age (in experience) in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu...That said, it does not change what my goal is...There fore I must find a way around the obstacles to get to where I wish to be...My workout yesterday consisted of 12 Ten Minute rounds with 3 minutes rest between...When I got to teach class and participate in our wrestling drills (Led by Coach Nate Schaffer) I was honestly drained, dazed,and confused....I still pushed through, as this class is getting one of my deficiencies (good take downs and take down defense) cleaned up....It's really funny though...As I get better with wrestling and judo and more concise in my guard game...No one wants to stand with me...go figure, they still try to pull guard on me first, because they don't wish to play in my guard...That has forced; probably since Brown belt, me to improve at passing and top submissions as well as position maintenance...The passing game I have has increased in pressure but needs more precise technical detail in it...That said, I am certain I have improved to the point where it will be a big surprise to those who choose not to test what is still the weaker side of my game (take downs)...I hope to make people pay for this error in thinking and look forward to testing it at the highest level...Anyways, my training has to be better and in order to be ready I have to increase what I do in load and focus...That workout the other day though left me wondering if I am over training to the point I am losing the ability to retain the gains from what I did...I do know that I can push through that many matches and be effective for the majority of them...I have a bit of a test coming up...We shall see where I sit, as I will use this to open my game up way beyond what I would do normally...I just hope not to be punished for it and look stupid...God has blessed me imensely, so I have to try to understand that to give Him the glory first, then give my best, and let it fall where it may...I hurt all over, and having to have another back procedure done, but can't (b/c of stupid insurance glitch), is making things very dim for me being able to actually achieve what I have laid out for myself...but...I fight on...

ThoughtS For The Day: (Judges 14:6) - The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands

(1 Timothy 4:8) - For bodily training is beneficial for a little; but godly devotion is beneficial for all things, as it holds promise of the life now and that which is to come.

You Are Nothing Without Focus

2010-02-23T15:41:00.004-06:00

Don't Remember His Name, But He Competed at a NAGA I Worked In Georgia...
He Is Completely Blind and STILL Placed In His Divison!!!
He Is A Hero Of Mine...A Real Inspiration
He Didn't Complain Nor Make Excuses!
God Is Great!

Weight: 222.6

Life comes at you from all directions...Health fails, money leaves, people leave or they stay around and cause chaos and confusion, work...is work...And you must deal with it all. It's amazing how things and negative energy from people can affect your own energy and life and actions in a given discipline....I deal constantly with the realization that God has given me something in Jiu-Jitsu that I am meant to do. Hidden in that is to realize limitations exist, whether or not you choose to break down those barriers is up to you...All the aforementioned ills befall those of us who are not fortunate to have sponsors to allow us to train and teach all the time and this hinders our focus from being finely tuned as it must be to reach certain heights we may wish. Thus, I am in a position to always have some sort of struggle and strife to overcome while attempting to reach for what I wish to accomplish...Though I am blessed immeasurably by having my gym and being able to teach and thus give me peace of mind and a source of calm in my life, I am not a great business man, nor very good at marketing in the sense some do it, so it doesn't afford me the luxury of being able to train as I should to reach the goals I have set...In as much, the goals I have reached and the person that I am seem not to be enough to have a large sponsor be interested as they support other athletes in the sport....That said...The couple that I do have are truly wonderful, and I am happy with them as I understand that they stand behind who I am and who I can be...Just hard to see how I am not enough in other ways...

Anyways, on to Jiu-Jitsu...the theme of focus comes in the vein of training...I have been preparing for tournaments and working diligently, or so I thought, towards getting myself to a place where I'd like to be. That said, due to my recent performances, I have seen a tendency to be a bit too error prone in my game...this has come from the way I train, and somewhat due to being able to be sloppy sometimes and still not be threatened...For some time, even back when I was training at Allen's I wasn't really training...I was more teacher, that trainer, as I'd get questions during the time I would have been drilling, working, rolling, etc...It got to be really hard to prepare and focus upon a straightforward plan of attacking the holes in my game as I needed to...This became moreso amplified when I started my own gym as I care so much for the success of my students, that I started feeling as if I could slide by without the full bore, hard core workout sessions I had been accustomed to...that said, I have started back working and training with Marcus more frequently, and the feeling of just training and learning all in the same session is back...I have to be on point the entire time we train or I will get killed, so I work more technically correct, more muscularly forceful, and more mentally aware...I am taught again to be patient, but this time on an elite black belt level so that my game can adapt and be successful...My weaknesses in sweeps and passing are really very minor. In just a few sessions on top of what I already train alone and with my students, my sweep game and passing game has taken off and grown by leaps and bounds...Developing a pressure in the timing and assertiveness of passing as well as once in dominant position is one of the main aims of training now...I am more apt to work sweeps more patiently and have a tad more confidence in opening my game up now as well to include some traps and techniques I have not used in competition before...Being forced to work patiently but diligently and pulling the trigger without thought or wasted motion, as well as feeling the way through positionsis making me advance again...I have a lot to work on, but I am so happy that even through all the pains and struggles in my every day life which were robbing me of the ability to concentrate on my own training and goals has all but disappeared in the wake of starting to actually "train". I still worked out and worked on things harder than alot of folks I know, but to be successful where I wish to be, there had to be more. Well, sweeps, passes, pressure, and pulling the trigger on some new submissions is on the agenda, and it WILL get done...Being on the Podium at Pans and Mundials at Adult is the goal...It can be done...So, I fight on...

Thought for The Day:

Genesis 32:24-26

24And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.

²⁵And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.

²⁶And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.

SAINTS....WORLD CHAMPIONS!.....WHO DAT!

2010-02-08T10:43:00.004-06:00

Check The Bicep Baby...
WHO DAT!

Weight: 221.2

A day I never thought I would see in my lifetime came last night. The Saints...My favorite team of all time, who stuck with us fans, and whom we stuck by through the lowest of the lows....are the SUPERBOWL CHAMPIONS!!!! First Our President ...Barack Obama....and Now This!!! Man! What blessings!

Thought For The Day: Not even the most evil of intentions can dull the brightness of God's blessings!

Pesadelo Unplugged...Tournament Day and Trip Home

2010-02-03T11:27:00.005-06:00

Weight: 222.2

Well I get absolutely NO sleep due to the time change and the normal performance anxiety associated with a big tournament, so I am up and at em on time. I walk into the venue and see the team forming and feel at ease. Not sure why, as I honestly do not feel prepared fully, but I am ok. Drink my red bull I get my sammich (Proscuitto Ham is abundant over here and is the bomb!) and have one of the little cups of coffee...These things are so strong it's ridiculous...Well anyway, in about 10 minutes I am wired! I get my GI on and I am really inspired by seeing all the world class champions on the Alliance team...It's really an honor that they make me feel like such a part of the group...
I make my way to the bullpen and get my stretching and warming up in...Due to the fact I am on the first side of the bracket, I get called first...Two matches and two triangles later, I am champion of my weight division!!! The opponent in my gold medal match was jacked...He was a very nice guy and really strong... when I locked the triangle on at the end, even though I had the angle correct, I could not even get my legs connected for it...So I improvised and used the side of my arm to close the choke!...

Anyways, I sat after that to watch some GREAT matches in the adult division! Our guys put on a show and I really was happy to see how well we were doing and even with not a full contingent there! My open weight comes up and I go through my first two opponents triangle and triangle...My passing needs work seriously though...I ended up facing Ramon Jamur in my third match(Quarter finals)...He got the same takedown I had seen him do throughout his weight division and his first open match...I had made my mind up to jump guard, but was still too slow...I have to improve my decision making at this level is I wish to be successful...He worked to pass the entire time but I was confident he could not...My mistake was that I worked to aggressively to finish him from horrible positions...I should have worked and been more confident in my sweep game to get to the point I wished to be..I had more than enough opportunities, even when he tried to hold on to stall, but I did not pull the trigger...at the end, I came to a kneebar attempt as well as a very tight straight ankle lock which he defended only b/c he had about 20 seconds to hold out...I know it was close as he had to attend to it at the medics after, but it was too late, so my lack of preparation and bad decision making kept me from the medal podium in the open weight breaking my streak started at purple belt...:(

Later that evening, we found out that the Alliance team placed First in Adult, Female, and beginners, and second in Master/Seniors...The masters (Jacare' and Fabio) honored me with giving me the Master/Senior trophy to take home with me. I was told by Fabio I was the type of fighter they could count! Between that and Jacare' telling me he was proud of what I had done and who I was for the team, I really was moved! This meant a lot to me! :)

The team went to a churrscaria and then we drove around a bit through the town seeing the sights before going back into the hotel...I stayed up through the night to be sure to make it to the airport on time...No sleep really is catch up tome and my ribs for the first time are REALLY aching...Especially on the flight from Lisbon to London...Note: British food is freaking horrible!...Cold salmon chunks, green onions and some little black things..capers i think...are NOT supposed to be in a sandwich...anyways...I get to London and I am treated to being able to sit in the Admiral's lounge to make it through my four hr layover! this secret lair has juices, sodas, wine, beer...food and FREE internet....I catch up on good food and emails and get ready for my trip home...Once on the plane, I must reiterate....ANYONE farting on a plane on a trip of longer than 45min, due to the fact planes recycle air, should be stabbed in the neck and/or stomach, and then thrown from the plane! It was so bad, I honestly tuned around, looked in the faces of the two folks behind me and said "REALLY!? Damn...." ...dunno which one it was, but they are dying inside and should see a doctor!...It was almost as bad as the dude who had obviously shat himself, and had the security line in London parting like the red sea as he tried to make it to the AA desk...Ask me about that sometime...But dude smelled like Bagasse (look it up on google...naaaasty)...
I arrive home, hurting and tired as I had only slept perhaps two hrs of the flight, but it's on to the gym to teach...I hope I was coherent but I am certain I was not...LOL I felt better after class as my students always work hard and are good folks...Finally it was home to sleep...I hate the length of travel, but even the worst feelings at the beginning, turn into decent trips ....
I do have new inspiration from some of the younger guys on my team and Fabio having faith in me and my skills, as well as seeing Helvetio and Megaton as well as The General compete in the Adult division....As I had planned to compete in the Adult division Mundials as well as Master/Senior Worlds, and due to the fact I felt I could have competed well in the Euro Championships Adult division had I done so, I plan to enter Pan Ams at Pessadissimo in the Adult division and I WILL be on that podium...I will use a tournament or two before that as a tune up at adult as well...I have much to work on, but, I should be able to with what God has given me. It is a daunting task but I only have a limited time to be able to reach my goals...So....I fight on....

Though For The Day: Today, nobody cares; but tomorrow they will.

Pesadelo Unplugged (2010 Euro Championsips Vol1)

2010-01-30T15:47:00.002-06:00

Pictures to come later...No Internet Access From My Laptop Right Now!

Weight: 228

Last week, went to the Abu Dhabi Pro Trials...I subbed my first three opponents, and popped a rib in the semi-final to claim third place...I tried to continue after some medical help but the pain was too great...So I was not able to secure a trip to Abu Dhabi later this year...Honestly, had my jiu-jitsu been on point as it should have, I would have been ok to get tot he top of the podium. that said, my training has worried me. I do not feel I am doing enough, nor am I able to focus on developing my game to the point it needs to be to accomplish my goals for this year nor next. Even when I do train, it does not seem I am putting forth enough effort or perhaps I am just not talented enough to reach my goals...I dunno, but, I have been feeling my age a bit lately...
That said...I left for Portugal a day ago, feeling very anxious and upset for some reason. Honestly felt on the verge of breaking up and giving up. Just the rigors of life and the grind of trying to overcome and adapt to my limitations got to me...And I honestly was 2 seconds from notgetting on the plane...I prayed and pushed and got on the plane...Oh and I´ve said this before...but people who fart on airplanes....ESPECIALLY 9 hour flights should be shot and thrown from the plane! Anyways...took some sominex and made it to London...Was still feeling down but anger at Sprint made me a little better...These asshats sold me a phone...and didn´t tell me that because I have a spending limit on my account, that it could not be activated for use in Europe which was why I bought it in the first place...Anyways...They credit me $100 for the inconvenience and tell me I can return the phone then basically say go jump in a lake...Sprint can eat a fat diseased baby rhinoceros scrotum!
Well the flight to Lisbon was cool...Any I got into my hotel which is in walking distance to the venue for the championships only to find some really snotty treatment...No internet service in the room(it didn´t work), and no alarm clock..normally I wouldn´t care but with the time difference(+6 hours) I am worried about waking up on time...Won´t be staying at the Altis Park again if I come! Should have stuck to the Dom Carlos Park!
I get up the next day to get to the championships to find my weight division and open weight are moved to Sunday...So I watch some good Jiu-Jitsu...Saw Tarsis and Bernardo do very well to be third in the adult black belt open and really thought with some missed referee calls they should have won...Anyways...I get back to the hotel, and had the most succulent veal and sauteed potatoes with proscuitto(sp?) hame ever!!!! Anyways, as I type this I am full as a tick and just worried that I will look stupid tomorrow. I have a tough match for the final of my weight division at about 5am home time! and then around 845 am or so the open weight begins with about 24 people in the bracket...We will see how I do...
It feels really lonely being here and so isolated...Being able to get on the net for a while and now having a calling card helps a bit but it isn´t like home...Beside all that I feel like I am just not where I need to be skills wise and my ribs are killing me still...Through all this, I am praying hard, and having faith...only with God´s help can I make it as I have never felt like this...I fight on...

Though For The Day: Psalms 23: 1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Learning From the Student...Aha Moment!

2010-01-13T11:26:00.003-06:00

Weight: 222.4

I feel tired...Sore...Banged up...and More alive than I have ever been....In other words, I am back to hard training for the upcoming goals and tournaments. I have really come to the realization that I do not fit anywhere but on the mat. It gives me a way to deal with the problems of everyday life. Even in the difficulties it presents, it does not take the life and joy out of me the way issues of the world, people, and things can do. I do not know why it is this way, but I am happy as at least I do know where I should be. That said I have set about closing up holes in my game which need to be fixed as well as improvement in some areas...I have worked on preventing the sweep from standing in open guard whether by De La Riva or X-Guard or regular push back sweeps...My Balance and stance as well as pressure need to be improved 100 fold to be able to get to where I wish to be...That said...I have also needed to improve on the idea of "aliveness" and not losing position at all...This aliveness is akin to being immersed IN the moment...That allows for the ability to maintain and improve position to give more time to work for the submission, while keeping you safe and preventing yourself being threatened. I have endeavored to work on my safety in closed guard, breaking and passing with extremely heavy pressure while switching from pass to pass relentlessly in order to place pressure upon my opponent until they crack and I take advantage of the end game. Everyone has known me for my guard game and feel they must get to guard before I do to avoid my strong suit. Well through a lot of specific work, I have worked to round out my game to the point the strength of my guard may even be less than the strength of my pass and submit game. With my attributes, I have worked and wished to become able to pass through all of my opponent's defenses (i.e. get to mount), and finish there most often with the palm up/palm up cross choke (eventually working to include the Ezekiel choke), as well as the S-Mount armbar. This not only made necessary an expertise in passing, but also a much better knowledge of the body's mechanics and physiology to be able to exploit leverage to my advantage as this is a very difficult position to hold...I worked diligently on this and felt I was making good progress and through several rolls with very good defensive opponents I have achieved control and the finish on probably 80-90% of the opportunities though this must increase to at least 95%...Well I have found that threatening with both position and varying submission set ups while improving my position allowed me to bring my opponent to the golden decision...This is where they have to give up something...Either give the sub immediately or give better position, then where they are forced to give the choke or the arm but they cannot defend both.
I had a student wish to learn to maintain mount and work the cross choke...In preparing to be able to give him good detail and help in private lessons I worked on getting to that position and finishing with just that on everyone...In doing so, I ended up in the position and I had been having problems because of the proper way to finish the technique causes very bad pain in my surgically repaired hand as it is not healed fully...Well during this time, I remembered what I have learned and been told literally hundreds of times in learning the cross choke, as well as what I have taught....but I had an Aha Moment!...I worked to turn my wrists and in doing so worked in perfect harmony with the proper pull of my forearms and elbows and felt that feeling where everything is soooooo easy as BJJ is meant to be that I KNEW I finally did it correct. I had been doing it and finishing it b/c I could basically overwhelm an opponent and they made mistakes enough to give it to me even though it was not technically perfect. I went to repeat this in practice several times and I finally got it. though I will have to work on it more and ask some who know much more than me to help to improve it even further, I know now I can do this on those of my level and feel confident in it. Was a great feeling to get something right after years of trying. I fight on...

Thought For The Day: Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. -2 Timothy 2:3-7

You Gon' Turn Me Back To The Old Me...The New Me Apparently Isn't Good Enough....

2009-12-09T16:01:00.004-06:00

Latest Neck Procedure Pics Thanks To Dr. Holubec and all the great nurses and assistants there who make this so easy to go through...

Weight: 226.4

Well This one will be written and updated shortly(perhaps by this Sunday), but suffice it to say, I have a lot to work on. My game is feeling more intuitive as I have been studying a bit more philosophically and existentially the usage and application of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as it is intended to be. Also, through a multitude of issues in personal life which directly affect my progression through the gentle art, I have seen that I am simply not worthy enough as a teacher, competitor, and perhaps even as a person as of yet to have the respect I have worked very hard to command. That said, some things will change...
Health-wise, eating better and more stretching, yoga, etc will have to happen...after Procedures on my lower back, cervical spine, and removal of a cyst on my hand I need to make certain that I can meet my goals I have set from now until I turn the big four oh...I have a cyst/fatty tumor deep in the belly of my biceps muscle and under my triceps that may have to be worked on as well as an issue where I may have to have another low back procedure on top of my recurrent headaches again so I need to de-stress and get intelligent training in...
As for my style, I have worked hard to implement pressure in every facet of my game. When I was a brown belt and working intently on some direct goals, my aim was to pressure my opponent, improving my position, until they broke both mentally, emotionally, and in their game physically. I got away from that in trying to open up to some things but, it's allowed me to play something that was not me, and is not(IMO) how it should be. Back to the smash. Shutting down, incrementally, parts of the opponents' game even when they feel it to be open, is something necessary for me to get back to...Simplicity and aggression...NOT reaction, as reaction should be felt and done as a tool to cause a reaction from the opposition...anyways...
I have to work on not ever losing position, and to impose my will to the point in crushes the will of the opponent...I have allowed myself to not do things in a correct manner b/c to do so correctly would feel itself to be rude or mean to someone without this understanding. No more limitations...I will up my level of training and make sure I seek to sharpen my iron with iron as well as drilling to the level I must, even if I have to pay someone to do so to improve...I would like to have my BJJ be pure...that will take lots of fire to burn away the chaff colected in my being content with just doing enough to get by...
That said, as a teacher, it seems I am lacking in providing detail and results to the point that students can feel the value of what I give. I will work to gain a better respect from them in the way I present their steps to their goals and hope they feel finally that what I can bring to them is valuable.
Had the occasion to promote my first blue belt about a week ago...I felt even more happy than when I got my own. Will have pictures etc of the occasion soon as well...
I am also going to make due where I stand with the sponsors I have...I will work to ensure that going forward from my performance in upcoming tournaments that I can afford to make it to(even though well down from those I could afford to do to date), to my webinar/dvd series with www.bjjedge.com , to my performance in hopefully more invitational and superfight matches(I got invited to the Pro division at GrapplersQuest This upcoming weekend but cannot make it), I will prove myself both worthy of support that others get, but also that I am fine with what I can do and will do my best to excel at whatever that may be....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: Only an opponent can test your understanding. Reality will strip away your erroneous ideas. There is NO substitue for victory.

Conan...What is best in life?

2009-11-24T12:21:00.003-06:00

Weight: 221.4

Had hand surgery yesterday...One more back procedure to go(Dec. 4) and I can get ready for next year! I should have my stitches out in a few days...If someone see's there way clear to sponsor me, I am looking forward to still participating in my first professional division at GrapplersQuest Dec. 12 in Vegas. If I can't find a sponsor by then, I'm out of it. Anyways, I got lots tot ype but my hand is KILLING me...2 shots of morphine yesterday didn't stop it hurting....just made me loopy as hell and I slept from 4pm until 1030 this morning...I am off to take a Lortab to be able to teach class tonight....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: Psalms 144:1---Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight

I CHOOSE...

2009-11-19T10:46:00.004-06:00

Pics From My Back Procedure The Week Before No-Gi World's

Pics From PBJJ Classes

Weight: 226.8

Jiu-Jitsu, like life, is about choices. I have had a lot of high highs, and low lows, in life in the recent months. the thing is though, God has blessed me with something I think few get in life; an occupation that they truly love. Teaching class has been so very rewarding lately it is ridiculous. Through my times where things are not necessarily turning in my favor, I come to class (at times not even sure I want to be around people), but the students there and watching their progress while sharing something which has blessed me so abundantly cheers me up to the point I am really joyous when it's time to leave. In Jiu-Jitsu one of my holes in my game is still to this day, working out of side control to escape and or reverse. I can prevent most from ever even getting to that side, but some like let's say Luiz "Big Mac" Theodoro can make any mistake I put forth into a chance to work from that position. The thing is, when in an c-uncomfortable position, to remember that you have options, what those options are, and to have trained your body to act on them with minimal or no thought is essential to survive and eventually turn the tide in your own favor. I've learned this and put it into my BJJ being to the point I am rarely ever flustered or feel threatened even if I an training and allow myself to start in a precarious position.
That said, life has been kicking me the proverbial stones lately. Money, people, work, health all been really just wearing on me. Haven't eaten in a couple days, the job not paying on time, and have to get my wrist operated on on Monday among a few other things happening have put me underneath the 100KG position and are looking to squeeze the breath out of me. The thing is though, I overlook the good things at times. Great students with potential who actually work, great friends who DO care about me and know the person I am today, good results for the most part in my competitions, and a better understanding of how to train and what's important in BJJ, along with a new found understanding of God and how He wishes me to be first and foremost all can give me the pressure release to escape the b.s. The problem with most people is they do not choose to see the door open in front of them because they make a subconscious choice to dwell on and expand on the negative. That energy can be transferred to others easily, but more importantly it can be transferred to other things and situations in your life causing a snowball of bad things to happen.
My philosophy of BJJ competition and thought process on how to proceed against an opponent was instilled and cultivated my Marcus Hicks...What I am speaking of is this: "To achieve the submission, I must go forward, and place pressure upon my opponent. I must increase this pressure as I improve my position, until the opponent cracks. Once the opponent cracks, then the end game must come for them swiftly, and in an overwhelming manner. In life, I am making a choice to feel good about myself and about things, though they may not come in an optimum manner. Also, I choose to place pressure upon these things until they crack. I choose to feel ok with who I really am inside and show it. With that, I can always feel good.
As for BJJ, at my gym ( http://www.pbjj.net ) I am very happy that I have a few new students. I am extremely fortunate to have students who are pleasant as well as hard working and who listen. They are all improving much and show a lot of promise! Also very happy that we have the first two ladies in our G.A.P. program. More importantly, they both train hard and are really taking to it.
I have been today told that I am selected to compete in my first Professional division (i.e. if I win the prize money is $1,000) at GrapplersQuest in Las Vegas in December. I am very honored and flattered to be included in such company. Very very humbled. That said, not only do I have to worry about how fast I can recover from the hand/wrist surgery I am going to have this upcoming Monday, but, with money as it stands, I cannot afford to get a plane ticket/hotel/rental car at all. In fact, it seems I will be missing being able to compete at European championships in for the first time as a black belt Jan in Portugal as well. Just do not have it as I did before, and though I have a sponsor who covers my entry fees into tournaments and does a few other things for me, as well as get products from another, I just seems I have not done enough to warrant anyone to sponsor me like they do the real high-level athletes to travel etc. I will do my best with what I have and God will carry me through to hopefully raise my level enough that someone takes notices and thinks my merits as a competitor enough to sponsor.
Also, check out the latest edition of Graciemag (with Braulio Estima and Andre Galvao on the cover) where I have two pictures, a small write up and a picture in advertisement for the sponsor I spoke of above (http://www.bjjedge.com) BJJ EDGE...
Anyways, I CHOOSE to be happy and it's making a big difference in my ability to function and focus. I wish you the same.....I fight on

Though for The Day: Please pray for a friend of mine "Brandon 'O-Soul' Medlock, as he lost his mother yesterday. He is a really good guy. I wish him and his family peace!

Campeao Sem Kimono 2009

2009-11-15T01:02:00.005-06:00

Weight: 228.2

In the past few weeks, Had Staples in my head from a removed cyst, I've placed 2nd to Luiz "Big Mac" in Miami, had a back procedure done, Won a World No-Gi Championship(Placed Third in the absolute), had two tires blowout, and found out that I am in the current issue of Graciemag a few times(once mentioned in an article, one picture in an article, and one picture in a sponsor ad (http://www.bjjedge.com)...All in all, life is full, and God is great!...There is much pulling at me, but there is too much fuel to allow that to happen...More to write about all this and I will be adding pictures and video here in the next few days about all of this, but for now....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "Everything I have ever done, was out of fear of being mediocre."

FINAL, Black Belt, Sr. 1, Pesadissimo

Semi-Final, Black Belt, Sr. 1 Absolute
I lost this match due to the referee not liking the fact I had him in my closed guard. Not much movement at all, for a few reasons I guess, but you be the judge as to who should have gotten the decision.

2009 WORLD NO-GI PICS

2009 MIAMI OPEN PICTURES

PBJJ Offers the G.A.P. Program - Free BJJ/Self-Defense Training For Women & Children

2009-10-26T15:36:00.005-05:00

Weight: 230.6

G.A.P. Program
(Gentle Art Protection)

Pesadelo Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (PBJJ) believes every woman and child deserves to be safe and secure. Every woman has the right to choose the methods of protection that suit her best, and here at our school she has the option to receive the training necessary to help her secure a more effective role in her own defense. We believe that organized participation in martial arts is a first-line character-building alternative to the destructive forces faced by kids with limited parenting and/or who are growing up in difficult neighborhoods.

• Around the world at least 1 in 3 women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime. Most often the abuser is a member of her own family. (John Hopkins School of Public Health 2000)
• Annually in the United States, 503,485 women are stalked by an intimate partner. (Patricia Tjaden and Nancy Thoennes, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, National Institute of Justice, 2000)
• A woman is beaten every 15 seconds.(Uniform Crime Reports, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1991)
• 40-60% of men who abuse women also abuse their children. (American Psychology Association. Violence and the Family: Report of the AmericanPsychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family. 1996)
• Children exposed to wife abuse suffer low self esteem, depression, poor health, sleep difficulties, post traumatic stress disorder, poor impulse control, and are at higher risk for problems in school, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual acting out, running away, isolation, loneliness, fear and suicide. (Peter Jaffe, Davis Wolfe & Susan Kaye Wilson, Children of Battered Women, Sage Publications, 1990)
• Children who witness domestic violence were found to show more anxiety, depression, traumatic symptoms, and temperamental problems than other children. (Schecter and Edleson, Domestic Violence and Children, Open Society Institute, Center on Crime,Communities and Culture, 2000)

Our goal is to have success in empowering women to use the techniques they will learn to stop and prevent attacks. It is our objective to make women and their families safer through education and skilled instruction. We also strive to give children the self confidence, and peer-relationship skills needed to survive and excel in today’s turbulent world. Through thorough instruction in the “Gentle Art” of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, the students in the G.A.P. program will learn to defend themselves, get in great shape, and gain self confidence, while mastering what has been proven to be the most effective self defense art in the world.

In the initial program, we will accept ten women and ten children (Ages 7 – 15). Applications are accepted from women from all walks of life, who have experienced or have been subjected to violence in all forms including sexual assault, stalking, mugging, or domestic abuse. The women must be recommended by a clergy member, doctor, social service worker, etc… Applications for the children’s program will be accepted from children from underprivileged, abused, and/or single/no parent or foster homes. The children must also be recommended by a clergy member, doctor, social service worker, etc…

Upon acceptance, they will receive one year free instruction in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, which is tailored to meet their specific need of self-defense, a free uniform, and for the women, a can of mace. The students will be required to maintain at least three-day per week attendance to classes, and will be required to participate in one tournament in the local area within that year of training to exhibit the knowledge they gained in class. All of this will take place in a fun, relaxed, and supportive, family-friendly environment. When the students decide to continue their training, they will be allowed to do so for a drastically reduced rate!

We here at PBJJ are committed to making a tangible impact on the lives of those less fortunate, and hope that by providing assistance and encouragement to the underprivileged and abused of our society, we can make the world a little bit better -- for all.

If you or your company would like to sponsor a woman or child, please contact Stephen Hall by phone: (214) 264 – 6666 or (214) 630 – 4866 or email: info@pbjj.net. The entire cost to sponsor a woman or child for the program for the entire year is only $150! For your contribution, you will receive a certificate of appreciation and a receipt that verifies your donation for use as a tax deduction.

Pesadelo Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is located at 1607 W. Mockingbird, Dallas, TX. 75235 (Inside the DFW Gun Club Building).
It is owned and operated by Stephen “Pesadelo” Hall. Professor Hall is a well decorated competitor in the gentle art of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Among the many titles he holds, he is the current World Black Belt Super Heavyweight, Sr. 1 Champion. He has been teaching the gentle art for several years, and his laid back yet detailed approach to instruction ensures that every student reaches his or her own personal goals. He focuses on teaching techniques that will work in the most serious of self defense situations, as well as in the heat of competition, in the tradition intended by the founders of the art.
See Our Website For More Information: http://www.pbjj.net

Though For The Day: If you move but one grain of sand, you have changed the entire world.

PESADELO BRAZILIAN JIU-JITSU ON NATIONAL TV

2009-10-25T21:04:00.004-05:00

Weight: 230.8

Tonight on the Style Network produced reality show, Dallas Divas & Daughters, PBJJ made it's national TV debut! Two members of the cast came to the gym, and took part in a woman's self-defense course! It was a great blessing on the gym, and I look forward to being able to serve the community more by having more women learn the gentle art both for self-defense and for self-confidence, getting in better shape, and fun. You can see highlights from the episode below...If you want to catch it on TV, check your local listings to find out what channel the Style Network is on and the episode will re-air(the times listed below are Central Time...Please adjust for your time zone:
Sun - 10/25 - 10PM
Mon - 10/26 - 6:30AM
Tue - 10/27 - 8PM and 11PM
Wed - 10/28 - 2:30PM
Thu - 10/29 - 1:30AM
Fri - 10/30 - 8AM and 7PM
Sat - 10/31 - 10:30AM and 9:30PM
Sun - 11/01 - 12:30AM and 7:30PM
11/04 - 1PM
(many more times to come)

We have a special running at PBJJ...Anyone can come in and try a week for free!...Sign up in OCT, and receive 1month free, and a free GI(a $100 value)...Ladies, you also receive $25 off of your tuition in addition to the above! Our kids classes are starting in November! Kids receive a free GI as well when they sign up! Come in and check us out!!!

Thought For The Day: Do not let the devil chain your mind into believing you cannot get free! God IS enough for ANY problem...

Joy In Repetition

2009-10-20T10:07:00.003-05:00

Weight: 231.4

I have a LOT to improve upon. My technical skill, really is nowhere even in the same area code with how I wish it and need it to be. My passing is pedestrian, and I have much work to do to sharpen and make more efficient my submissions from the top. My pressure and control on top is much better but needs some drilling as well. Lastly, I need to work on NOT losing positions. Whether I get the sub once that position is lost or not, I need to maintain and improve positions until my opponent cracks. (I have much I am working on specifically but will cover these things as I do them as I will spend a couple months on each separately...)
I said all that to say, that as I teach, I realize within my own game, how much the depth of experience and knowledge is as opposed to what I truly have a grasp of and have implemented in my game. All that said, I am happy that I can identify, and be able to understand what needs to be done. Honestly, I am so very happy that I have found teaching as it gives me the same or even more happiness than competing at times. I have been blessed with good students who not only work hard, and are dedicated, but also good people. The same stress relieving I get from a good training session, I also get from teaching...Though they may not see it, my students are making GREAT stride in their personal games. I take great pride in being allowed to assist them in reaching their personal goals.
In as much, the fundamentals of the pressure game I was taught by Marcus, and the things I have developed on my own about the basics of attacking (even while defending) jiu-jitsu will be more emphasized in the coming months as I prepare my students for their first round of testing(Most will be testing for their first stripe on their white belt...The upper belts will be testing to establish where in their progression they stand....), which is coming the first or second week in November as well as for some upcoming tournaments. Hopefully, we will have some more students in in the coming weeks as I am really working to make this my life's work.
On top of all of this, my dream of medalling at the Adult Mundials next year requires that I find my joy, in repetition. The happiness that comes from drilling positions incessantly....The understanding that comes from constantly working to understand the philosophy of position and the ideas necessary to implement to shut down an opponents options until they are forced to present the end game scenario is what I am seeking.
Having some sort of cyst in my upper arm is causing me pain, numbness, and loss of strength in my right arm so I am certain it must be removed as will the cysts developing in my right hand which is also causing pain. That said, I received word that my monster in my head(the big C) is in remission and I can only thank God and everyone's prayers for that! No injury, and no hardship will hinder me form my goals. I may be slowed, and I may be held back at times, but I will not be stopped as God is driver!....So....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: Psalms 27 --- 1 A Psalm of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. 3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. 4 One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in his temple. 5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock. 6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD. 7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. 8 When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. 9 Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. 10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. 11 Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. 12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. 13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

BLACK, GOLD, AND BLUE

2009-10-06T15:46:00.005-05:00

PHOTOS BY Luca Atalla(Graciemag.com)

MY PHOTOS

Weight: 228.8

I know I know, I have been lax, but I promise I am back and will be regular once again with the blog! Just putting this up to show what happened this past weekend...Black Eye, Two Gold Medals(Weight-Pessadissimo and Absolute, Sr. 1, Black Belt), and a new outlook on life.
When I left, I was only one day out of treatment so it was not the smartest thing to do, but I felt I had to do it. I did not expect much, but with God's grace, I made it through and was very fortunate! I feel like crap, nauseous and weak, and now sore from this weekend, but it was very much so worth it.
The last submission I had came from a training session this past week where the 50/50 was the position I started in...Goes to show to drill live positions is the way to go as It was natural even though I have not had much experience with the position at all...Anyways, the weekend itself was really enjoyable despite being lost a few times, but the company and camaraderie with the guys from Alliance and all the other teams as well, was great, the jiu-jitsu was good, and life, no matter how trying, is great!....I fight on...

Thought for The Day: God is GREAT!

Videos:
2nd Match - Absolute - vs. Marcio Silva

Semi-Final Match - Absolute - vs. Sean Pulizzano

Final Match - Absolute - vs. Ray Casias

Blessed To Be On Graciemag.Com Again...Listen to me on BJJEDGE.COM TOO!...

2009-08-03T18:19:00.005-05:00

Weight: 217.8

Started treatment Friday...Working through my nausea and fatigue but in spite of it all I feel pretty good. Things are still OK! Had to work to day and was hard to focus...b/c on top of the live interview I was blessed with on Http://www.bjjedge.com last night (Go and become a member as there will be a LOT of great things happening there!!!) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW I also saw where I have an article that was on the FRONT page of http://www.graciemag.com (thanks and nice meeting you to the reporter Gabriel) ... Here is the link: http://www.graciemag.com/news/144/ARTICLE/15178/2009-08-03.html I am very honored and humbled by this...
I meant to say if you guys didn't know, I have been sponsored by GOMGI(www.gomgi.com) for some time now and believe they have the best GIs anywhere...But I picked up a few new sponsors...One of them is Athletic Body Care (www.athleticbodycare.com). I had been a fan of their defense lotion for a while and I am happy to be a representative of their products and I must say the soaps and especially the bath salts are GREAT...Check them out...I am also sponsored by Kelly's Lawn Service and by the great guys over at http://www.jiujitsuforums.com Make certain to go become a member and see the great things going on over there...
Will talk more later but have to run for now...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "Do or do not. There is no try!"

Black Belt Masters & Seniors World Champion!

2009-07-28T15:12:00.015-05:00

Weight: 209.8

International Masters & Seniors World Championships
Preta Senior 1 Masculino
Super Pesado
Primeiro STEPHEN HALL Alliance
Segundo PAULO RODRIGUES CURI Peposo Team
Terceiro NICOLAU MÁRIO Reação
Terceiro LUCIANO GOULART Ataque Duplo

Rio International Open
Preta Adulto Masculino
Super Pesado
Primeiro ANTONIO BRAGA NETO Gordo JJ
Segundo RODRIGO CAVACA Check Mat Bjj
Terceiro THIAGO GAIA Nova União
Terceiro STEPHEN HALL Alliance

100 Picture Slide Show

MY FIRST MATCH AS A BLACK BELT
Pesadelo X Rogerio Oliveira

Preta - Sr. 1 - Super Pesado
Semi- Final And Final

Thought for The Day: This should be one of the happiest times of my life, but it isn't.

PRETA!...Updated

2009-06-13T00:41:00.006-05:00

Weight: 218.4

Update...
I honestly have thought of this day, dreamed of this day, and fantasized about what it would be, how it would feel, and what it meant...I honestly still don't know what or how to feel! I am numb. The biggest thing, is that I always held and still hold the wearers of the Faixa Preta in such high esteem as to have them be akin to super heroes in my eyes. As much as I have been confident in my abilities, and confident in my skills, I just never felt I could live up to being seen in that light. Jiu-Jitsu has kept me alive. It has given me incentive to do things that are conducive to living well, healthy, and with good peace of mind. Anyways, Coach Allen and Coach Marcus felt I was worthy and I even had Professor Jacare' tell me that my belt was well deserved, so who am I not to feel that I am?
A good and bad thing about milestones in life, is that they present an opportunity to see what people really feel about you. People harbor opinions of you within themselves which become their reality. No matter what you do, say, or how you act, they feel that this is the truth and how it really is, no matter what is evident in the contrary in reality. It is really hurtful to find this out from people you care about. Especially painful is to find out they already were doing things behind your back because of their incorrect ASSumptions and opinions. It's even hurtful when you work really hard to do or be something and find out even total strangers have negative opinions of you. All that said, I guess it is a good thing, because it allows you to rid yourself of those who care not enough to get inside of you to see what is really there. Take the time for someone you claim to care about, to listen and understand what they need or want even if it is not how you think it should be done. This is something Jiu-Jitsu has taught me that every situation can be approached and handled differently...You can see and assume something is a certain way, but until u approach it on it's own terms and merits (NOT under what you ASSUME it to be.) you will most certainly always make the wrong decision about it.
Jiu-Jitsu has been a guide in changing my life, in helping me to be a better person, in allowing me to express myself to the world. I'd always believed that between this and my attempting to be a good father to my daughter, I could be at least a decent person. Well, my daughter is gone to be living with her mother now, and I truly feel as lost as I was as a white belt. I can not concentrate, I can not focus, and I can not deal with the things good or bad as they should be dealt with. I hope that I can find focus again. As in jiu-jitsu when things go wrong, even a tad bit, they go horribly wrong in a downhill spiral, but there is always a chance, if you keep fighting, that you could snatch victory from the precipice of defeat at the last minute when you feel you can take no more. I hope that comes back to me.
I have a few more goals to add to my list now.....One of which, is to compete two more years (I would be 40 in 2011)at the Mundials. Another is to go down to Masters&Seniors in July and to win my division...The others I will post later but to live up to the trust has been placed in me...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "One day, I will wake up and no longer be able to do this: Today is NOT that day!" - author unknown

Thought For The Day2: "Cultivate the poise of a dead man. The samurai should be incapable of being emotionally aroused, particularly by lust, greed, pride, jealousy or anger."

Thought For The Day 3: "If you are not with me, you are against me."

3rd and 38.....Updated

2009-06-08T22:43:00.005-05:00

Weight: 218.4

Life's a bitch sometimes...In the midst of it being at it's most highest point of bitchtivity(yes it's a word cuz I say so), it can really give you the boost you need to keep going!...Oh, and while I think about putting the weekend down into the blog, I'd like to go on record as stating that dog farts are the most horrid thing on earth!!! EWwww...Beneful gives my dog gas, but as she is back to herself, I am happy she is eating...
On to the Jiu-Jitsu....I got Third Place at This Weekend's World Brazilian Jiu-jitsu Championships...Brown Belt, Super Heavyweight Division...and the Alliance team won the team championship by a WIDE margin...

Day One:
Got up about 4am...got to the airport and hit the plane for a smooth flight about 6:10am....Couldn't sleep even though I was exhausted as my knee bothered me badly..haven't said much before the tournament b/c I did not want it out to opponents, but I couldn't bear much weight on my left knee when flexed and it hurt constantly...Gonna have to hit the ortho doc to have it checked...Got in to have the rental company charge a $500 deposit before checking to see that my rental was prepaid which should have been a $50 deposit(They reversed it but even so, it had to wait until it hit my bank to drop off...This would not happen until Monday night as they don't process over the weekend....This, on top of the fact that deductibles from my hospital and from my car being wrecked were taken out a week earlier then they should have which left me with pretty much NO money for the weekend...Anyways...I had snacks etc and needed to work off some weight as I was a few pounds over anyway...got to the hotel and unwound a bit...Then went off to the pyramid at Cal St LB...got there too late to see Sampson's matches so I went up to the stands to join the team...It always feels great to be received as family when I see these guys...they always treat me well and it was great to see all the folks I hadn't in some time...Anyways saw a LOT of great matches including some from some names you will hear for some time to come, David Bass, Johnathan Thomas, and Michel Langhi...The latter two closed out their division with Michel getting his new brown belt on the podium! I also got to see and talk with some friends from http://www.jiujitsuforums.com and got to talk with a lot of folks who read the blog...this was started so I could keep track of what I did, how I felt, and what was memorable through my travels in the art, and several times the notion has struck me to make it private, but to hear so many say this inspires them and that they enjoy reading my boring ranting made me feel great...Meeting these people and being in that atmosphere really made me know that I have found what I was meant to do in life! Thank you all who care enough to take the time to read here!...I spent the day running back and forth to the locker room and the scale trying to make certain I was making weight...Left that night with a headache and about a half pound cushion...Got back to the hotel feeling a tad bit exhausted and weird...Decided to try to do some cardio to sweat off a pound or two to allow me to be able to eat some as I had put some of the little $ I had left aside to do so...Changed into some shorts and went down stairs...b the time I walked across the lobby and into the fitness center, I was having horrible chills and shaking uncontrollably...It was hard to keep from looking like I was on crack as I shook so bad my walking was crooked as I tried to hurry tot he elevator...Then I tried to contain myself so the folks who were staring in the elevator didn't think I had swine flu and call the CDC on me...I get back into my room and jump into a hot shower...The shaking stopped, until I got out when it returned worse...I almost crumpled to the floor, but I got on my shorts and t-shirt and put on the hotel robe and got extra blankets from the closet and got in bed...Took me about an hour to stop shaking and another hour to get to bed as all I could think of was getting choked out early...Only good thing was....

Day Two:
I woke up about 4 lbs under weight...So I wasn't shaking when I awoke but I was exhausted and a tad bit sore..someone said it might have been from not eating and trying to cut weight...If so, I am going to work on getting my weight up to about 240 now so I don't have to worry about cutting, and I can handle those huge guys at Pessadissimo...Anyways I get to the gym early and make certain I am prepared mentally and as time nears for my match I notice the high level of talent this year...Also notice how much better in shape everyone seems to be than I am as well as how much younger everyone looks! My confidence is really gone about now...I felt that I only wanted to get on the mat, and not look stupid and I would be ok...Well I take my first match by walk over as my opponent does not make weight...My next two matches go arm-bar, then combination arm-bar/triangle...Both in less than one minute...I am through to the semi-finals...Suffice it to say, that in this match, I had pts that were not called for me, pts called against that should not have been, a horribly incorrect re-start position, and a missed submission attempt I should have finished so I was not happy with the calls and feel like that match was taken for me...That said, my opponent ended up winning the title and is a great guy...the ref.........that's all I have to say about thaaat....Besides tearing off half a fingernail and bending up 3 others and hurting my neck a tad bit, I was really ok with my performance and for an old guy of 38, I did put in a decent showing against the young ones at the Mundials...At least I think so...That evening after I cooled off about the reffing, I caught some great black belt matches! I also got a new sponsor http://www.bjjedge.com that will help me to cover reg costs and allow me to do a few things such as write and show some techniques as well...Thanks Pesh!...Will tell you guys more about this in my next post, as I'd like to cover everything that will happen with it first...That said, ANYONE who practices the gentle art, and perhaps in some other areas would be wise to get in on this soon...So I walked out a little dejected but feeling good as I had a few more folks tell me they recognized me from the blog and that they liked and followed it!...So after saying my goodbyes...I got in the car...and knew after that night was ending and I was driving to my hotel late that night, that our brown belt teams put Alliance in place to cruise to victory as a team!

Day Three:
All I can say is the atmosphere was electric..I got there about 10am...And watched as our black belts put in a clinic...Between having the entire team together and chanting back and forth between us and Gracie Barra/Gracie Humaita/etc the hours flew by...I got to see more good friends, including Big Rick who trains up in Washington and is only six weeks removed from brain tumor removal and therapy who competed this weekend! Needless to say, Again, I was inspired...Watching Jacare' come back after his illness, watching folks overcome their shortcomings and hardships and being int he company of people who had so much good will with one another even int he midst of harsh competition makes me happy I found Jiu-Jitsu...It was wonderful...As we took the team trophy that night it was just the perfect end to a great weekend...Even got a picture with Roger Gracie...He seems so huge on the mats but after standing near him, I am about the same size and actually weigh more than him now...Hope to one day be able to at least match his strength and even half his technique though...I will work on it...I talked at the end of the night to Caleb from http://wwwthefightworkspodcast.com and we shared how he is doing after his injury and about coming back to train as well as had him tell me more about folks who enjoy my blog which lifted my spirits as well...even though I was broke, hungry, hurting, and really down about my real life before I came, and dreaded returning to it as things are only worsening...I knew I made the right decision to do so, and am really glad God decided to bless someone so unworthy with such abundance...If I did not have my daughter and Jiu-Jitsu, I would die, as it seems everything else crumbles...So...the old man continues....I fight on...

Thought For The Day:

Who steals my purse steals trash; tis something, nothing;
twas mine, tis his, and has been slave to thousands
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.
-Iago

I Know that It's Comin'...I Just Hope That I'm Alive For It...

2009-05-23T12:52:00.004-05:00

www.peshphoto.com

Weight: 218.2

First Of All - R.I.P. Uncle Percy
There is a concept I have read of called Aliveness (Click Here To Read About It) in BJJ that I have played around with. I took a lot from this article and really sat and thought a lot about how I could expand upon this for myself...The concept says that Aliveness is timing, energy, and motion. For something to truly be alive, it must possess all these three elements. I have been playing around with this idea and added my own philosophy to it lately. In addition to those three things, I think that to be in the Aliveness state in BJJ requires a true state of openness...Meaning to be in the moment at all times...If you are truly IN the moment, and possess all of the other attributes, then you will always be ahead of your opponent...The philosophy of the technique/position you are trying to implement must also be understood...Not merely the mechanics of the technique or position, but the actual objective and aim of it which also gives you ability to tie it in to other techniques/positions without thought...

All that said, I have been attempting to use this in my own practices instead of merely drilling/rolling etc...It has paid off great dividends as between the great instruction I hvae been receiving, and the work I DO put in to drilling/rolling, the understanding and ability to be alive within the moment has really been evolving...The last few practice sessions I have had have really been great...I actually allowed myself to triangle someone yesterday... I have purposely pushed myself away from the technique in the recent months...At first it felt like I was really ineffective...That said, with my recent success from the top game in Rio, and with the lessons learned from Coach Marcus and Coach Allen, it was the best thing I could ever do...My passing has become very heavy and crisp, and I still have a LOT I can improve upon...That gives me hope that I can actually one day be close to the level I would like to attain...I still have much work to do to get to the proper body positioning for the half guard/x-guard passes...Especially working to get my knee down properly to prevent the x-guard pass has been problematic, but because of the great understanding I have received from my privates with Coach Marcus on that position, I at least understand the objective, and have been able to adapt and adjust on the fly, even when I don't get to the "perfect" position....Also, with the same info on a couple of my favorite side control submissions (Especially the Paper-Cutter Choke) I got from Coach Allen, I can adjust to ensure success with the position even when I don't quite get there from the beginning...

I had gotten some confidence that I would be able to at least win a match or two at Mundials from my performance at the Brazilian Nationals...Also, the practices I have been having have been crisp, while my cardio has been holding up well...This helps me to feel like I can at least be competitive enough not to look silly out there...In short, I felt like my being(and feeling) as old as I am could be over come, at least for a weekend at the World Championships...Also, had Coach Allen ask me the other day after watching me practice, what brand/type Black Belt I wanted, as he wanted me to have the kind I liked...That all depends upon me winning my division, which I am really not too sure I will come anywhere near doing...Well, it's the last few days until the registration deadline (Tuesday, 26 May 2009), and now the plane tickets have jumped from $229 to $449...Would still have to get a hotel room, and a rental car as well...Due to a lot going on in my life...I won't be able to afford to go...Maybe it is for the best, as I don't feel, even with how good I have been doing, that I am near warranting the promotion...I will have to work hard to get a sponsor or two to be able to get to some of these tournaments as things aren't so good as they used to be,where I could handle these type things myself...So if anyone knows any companies/individuals who would be a candidate to be a sponsor, please let me know...

Some great news...Coach Allen has made it possible for me and my school to become an official member of the Alliance organization...This will allow for a lot of benefits to the school...This is a really good thing to happen! I look forward to being a very productive member, and living up to the trust instilled in me.
Also...congratulations to my good friend Tyler Bosard....He received his Black Belt today from Draculino and Leo Cantu...He has been a great friend and also is my equipment sponsor (www.gomgi.com - best GIs and grappling gear in the world!!!) ...Tyler runs Gracie Barra - RGV...If you are ever down in that area...Make sure to pay his school a visit!...He is a very technical and knowledgeable BJJ artist! Congrats Tyler!!!

It seems in BJJ there is a LOT of loss to deal with...It is something that both builds character, and teaches how to overcome adversity within the art itself...Been dealing with a lot of loss of confidence as I really just know enough to be dangerous now...Knowing the things I do, I can see how far I am from being what people think I am on the mat...I really hope to be able to live up to these thoughts of me in the near future and will be on the mat as much as I can, to be able to move forward...It's just humbling to know how much you really don't know...To look at yourself and not see the person everyone else does...That said, BJJ for me is a microcosm of life...Loss sucks ass, but I am trying my best to take it, and hope to make something positive from it if that is at all possible...I never thought that I would still be alive now, much less being able to do anything productive...So...I fight on...

Thought For the Day: "Death is not the greatest loss in life...The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

I Hide My Tears, From The Crowd......By Smiling....

2009-05-20T09:57:00.003-05:00

Weight: 218.8

MAN, I needed this today...Simple Illustration...

I have lots to work on in Jiu-Jitsu and in life. Seems as if nothing is satisfactory to me or those around me. It's really hard to have to sit and think through every move in relation to what it might or might not cause to happen or the reaction it may bring. Jiu-Jitsu has taught me that, and I need to apply it better. Thing is, in the gentle art, I have found that the way to best results generally, is to focus on what you are doing, and make your action work to the desired end. I have much more to learn it seems. I fight on...

for now.

Thought For The Day: "He who is not with me, is against me." - Matthew 12:30

Brasileiros Day Three: Great Day...(UPDATED)

2009-05-18T14:53:00.005-05:00

Weight: 219.8

Firstly, I have a lot more confidence that I can at least win a match or two at Mundials and not look stupid now...Also have more confidence in my conditioning work, (even though when surfing I tired out after about 20 minutes of fighting waves! lol) as I felt great throughout the day...that said, life is kicking that ass again and no matter what I feel my performance could be, just is no way I can afford to make it to Mundials with all that's happening and happened to date...Really sucks as it turned from me just wanting to go to have a decent test, to me having confidence I could do OK, and when it turned to that, I have things just go south! Ehh..that's life. On to the blogging...

Well the day started off great as far as the tournament went. I got to see some GREAT Black belt matches and it felt good that Alliance was WAY out in front after the Brown belt results the day before!!! Seeing Terere's return was the highlight of the day...His band and rowdy group of fans livened up the entire venue! Between Professor Paiva and Gurgel, in addition to the work put in by Coaches Marcus and Allen, my level of proficiency has gone up a lot more than I thought it would. After seeing the Black belts though, it is really daunting to think that I would be anywhere close to being near competitive technically on the next level without years of work. As old as I am now, by that time, I will be 50 and unable to move! lol...Anyways, I got to get out to the beach, do a little running and sightseeing, as well as caught up with the surf professor Gidget for some surfing (Well, more like for some standing up and wiping the hell out! lol) ... Then it was off to the airport...Sucks that was the only nice weather day while I was there and that I couldn't stay an extra day...Anyways, everything was good until I got to the airport...

Once I got there, I get a call and find out that my dog is really sick...And talking to the veterinarian, she was in shock and close to passing away...that said, do not EVER, EVER take your pet to I-20 Animal Medical Center-Dr. Diane G. (not sure the last name) as they really just want to get you for your $ and don't care about the actual pet...I was told by this goatmouf trick to choose between paying $1300(the first # was $2200!!) and putting my dog to sleep! I tell her I have about $400 and can pay the rest Thursday upon getting paid, bear in mind I am in an airport in BRAZIL on a SUNDAY! she tells me "just put the dog to sleep then." Upon being given this "Choice", I asked what was wrong with her...The chick tells me she doesn't know, so I ask, what does me paying you $1300 do if you have no idea what you are treating her for? Long story short (there's a LOT more, but I digress as this is for something else), I decide not to put the baby to sleep, and get her the next day to the nice doctors at the Banfield in Pet Smart near my home...Brought her in(she couldn't even lift her head, sit up, nothing) and within a few hours she was sitting up and today she is doing great! All this for a little more than half what those other folks were to charge me without even finding out what was wrong! she should be able to go home today, so if you would, send a prayer up for her...

Once I get back home from these trips, it's like getting back to work on the chain gang...Even though I never really get to go out or do the "normal" vacation things that people do when out of town as I am focused so much on performing well before a tournament, then resting and recovering after, it is still great because it allows me a release....Allows me an escape...I go to a place where the only thing that exists is my passion for the gentle art, where I can just be me and have peace of mind...But at home, life intrudes once again...Case in point, the truck issue is back, and not only do I have to have it fixed, but in a week or so, I have to come up with a down payment and buy something new! With all that has gone on, there is no way to do that...Problem is, with my school, if I have no way to get around, I don't know what will happen...will pray on it...

Speaking of which, I am very happy with my students' progress. The few I do have, work extremely hard and they believe in what I am giving them. That will go a long way as thy all have talent and promise.

As for my jiu-jitsu, I need to work more on the sweep prevention and half guard passing, and there is a particular pass which is pretty much the only one I get passed with, the few times I do get passed. This reared it's head again in training in Leblon, and needs to be fixed...good thing is, it is one of, if not the favorite passes Marcus does..That should help me get it cleared up in no time, plus Fabio said he would work on it with me if I got to the camp before Mundials...though I do not see that happening now...My left knee is jacked up and hurts badly when bending and flexing and I still need to get in to the doctor to get ANOTHER procedure on my back...It only locked up once while in Brazil, but still, it is a problem that needs fixing...ASAP...No matter... Still...I Fight On...

Thought For The Day: "In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, My head is bloody, but unbow'd."

Brasileiros Day Two: The Streak Is Broken But I'm OK With It....

2009-05-16T20:47:00.006-05:00

Weight: 216.8

I wake up on time and get ready...Catch a taxi that actually knows which way he is going and make it to the tournament on time...I first see Fabio when I walk in and he explains to me about the move and really, I dunno if it is part pep talk or what, but he made me feel really good about my skills to know he felt that highly of me to think I could assist at all getting points...Reason I say this is, the level of Jiu-Jitsu there was EXCEPTIONAL! This weekend was all Black and Brown belts for one which lent itself to the competition being good, but it was just amazing to see the guys and women out there competing and really had me a bit taken aback...My confidence was definitely shaken, and I said a little prayer, just not to let one of these young guys make me look like an idiot...I went to change into my GI pants and get my competition free t-shirt only to find out I had to buy food to get the t-shirt...After arguing in very bad Portuguese...I understood it to be something of a food drive...You had to bring in something like a pound of rice beans etc etc and that got you your t-shirt...I thought this was a GREAT idea and it seemed throughout the day to get a LOT that will go to some very needy people....Well I get my GI on and meet up with all the great Alliance fighters...They make me feel like family...It is a great thing that they do as every time I come, it seems I have been missed...I met some new and some old guys and new ladies on the team as well...Met Luanna Alzuguir who is a Fabio black belt and someone Id watched before...was nice to actually meet her...VERY tough girl...Also saw some folks I had met at Master&Senior last year like the ring coordinator Thyzar Albuquerque(I thought it was spelled Gizaa LOL) and her sister the award girl Thiazar...Also saw some guys who screamed at me and made me think I was doing something wrong, but they were just remembering my gold medal match last year when I screamed...When they yelled out Pesadelo Triangulo Perigrosa(sp?) I was really flattered!!!...Anyways...Today really was a good day as I got to put into effect a lot of the things I worked on with Marcus coaching me on in our private lessons and it made so much of a difference I was able to stay on top, in control, and effective with one of the holes I had in my game...On to my first match...
Match 1
I get an inside leg lift to Jacare' knee/ankle pick and land in side control...I rotate my shoulders and work to secure the back of the collar...I remember a lesson Coach Allen gave me on this and brought the guys head onto my knee and got to my knees and windshield wipered the elbow to finish the paper cutter choke...I am surprised!!!
Match 2
I work trading grips and work the guy to get an over hook to try a hip toss...He hits the ground but bounces up and attempts to pull half guard...I shut down the half guard and smash the knee and straddle with my hips to put my weight down...I hear that little grunt that you hear when you know you are feeling heavy to someone and it gave me a bit of confidence...I tried to scoot up to mount but moved too fast and had him turn outward in an attempt to get to his knees...I work to his back and got in a hand to his collar...He starts to defend the bow and arrow choke as I feignt towards grabbing his leg...But I shoot my hand to the opposite lapel...I work it in and stay tight and work to the straight collar choke from the back...Once again I am surprised as when watching this guy he looked unbeatable...
Match 3
The guy works and tries to pull half guard...Again this plays ito what I had been working with Marcus in private lesson to close up as a hole in my game(I'd always gotten swept or reversed in half guard)...Well I work the under hooks and smash...he works to get the under-hook, and instead of fighting it...I let him...I'd always been scared to as this ended up with me on my back...I wizzer the arm and give his face a DEEP cross-face...Bump my knee up and drive it through...Then I drop my head and make the knee-through pass...I work from there to side control, but felt he was trying to reverse me so I straightened my body out and put all my weight on my chest and moved almost to fifty-fifty...From there I worked to Royler's arm bar...Learned it from Saulo Ribeiro's book - University Of Jiu-Jitsu...and got it...On the the Semi Finals...
Match 4 - Semi Final
I had watched this guy smash through everyone's guard and be really heavy in finishing his opponents (a trademark of Ryan Gracie guys)...Talking to Prof. Paiva before the match..He tells me "Stay on top...This guy is really good there..if you put him on his back you will win for sure!"...I told him I had thought to get to guard and he said do what your game is, but in thinking, who am I to question when someone of that caliber tells you what to do!? So...We work grips for a while and I fight the urge to pull guard..and he works to try to shoot to make me sit..but when he does, I pull and yank him to the ground...I do not get the take down points, BUT, even better he is turtled up! I tell my students and friends all the time...unelss you are Eduardo Telles, then the turtle position is horrible and will only lead you to getting submitted...Well I work side to side with really good leg control and work to try to get my hooks in a few times...I transition side to side and on top and keep digging but his back defense is good, and each time I try to get the second hook in, he rolls out very well...I must work on this more...I try again to work to get hooks in and he rolls early making it to half guard...Once again in what I have trained for...I work my hand under the z-guard leg and then control the bottom hand...after some time of me keeping him at a distance and working to put my head down and pass, I allow him to work tot he x-guard set up...both Coach Marcus and Coach Allen worked with me on shutting this downa dn I sit out and place heavy pressure on his jaw...When I sit out he works to try to under hook me...I swith around and work to a deep knee bar position in sometthing I worked in detail with Marcus...I secure it and pull hard...I'm in the finals!!!!
Match 5- Final...
We trade grips very hard for a long time and trade inside trip attempts...He pulls me into an outside single and puts me to the ground...We work around a bit and I scramble up...we work again and he keeps getting my leg in that same outside pull to single but I keep defending...eventually when he works it, I time it well and get him into a high arcing hip toss...He lands and I think I have him top-side in a sit out position but my weight lands on the floor..not on him...he can move his hips out and gets back to his feet...Weare tied now...This dude is STRONG!!!!!!...When he gets grips it takes EVERYTHING I have to get his hands off...He works me once again to this doggone pull to outside trip...(I WILL fix this when I get back home! ASAP) He gets it and as he does he walks to the outside instead of inside and lands in side control...He clamos down and that's where the match ends...I lose but I OK with it..I just wish I had pulled guard on him...I think I could have done better...
Anyways I get Silver in the Adult, Super Heavyweight, Brown Belt division of the Brazilian National Jiu-Jitsu Championships....At 38 years old, and a normal Senior 1 division competitor...I am really happy with myself...To get the submission in all the fights up to the final tells me I am much more on the road to being where I'd like to be...I have a LOT of work to do however...Wathing the black belts (The Black Belt Open will be closed out by Alliance-Tarsis Humphries and Gabriel Vella, The Ladies Black Belt Open has our Luanna Alzuguir in the final as well and it seems we jumped way ahead inthe team points!) I see much I can do and with the high level of these guys I am FAR FAR FAR away from them. I will keep working on it though...Met and talked with lots of people who congratulated me and gave me an idea of the magnitude of what the day's events were...Also met with Terere's father who said that Terere would be competing tomorrow! That will be a definitely highlight...I got a picture with him as well...Got a patch from Thyzar for Athletes For Jesus which I will have to work into my GI somewhere....Met up with Dennis Asche from www. connectionrio.com and hope to make a good connection on a place for when me and the guys come down for Master&Senior in July...Hung out with legends of the game as well as future legends to be...And generally just soaked up all the Jiu-Jitsu as it was intended to be in the Tijuca Tanies Clube, which is, tome, the BEST place for a tournament in the world...Pidgeons flying through, open air stadium, just wonderful...It was a good day at the tournament...
I took a cab to thehotel and made my way to meet my team mate Darren at my favorite Rio place to eat (well Porcao is a close second) Nik's...Had a BUNCH of salmon, beef, and even had a Caipirinha made with Cachaca! As I write this, my back is killing me, so I know it will have to be worked on when I come back in...But...No matter what...I am encouraged...I fight on...

Though For The Day: Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.

Brasileiros Day One: Gettin In To Rio

2009-05-16T20:12:00.005-05:00

Weight: 220.2

Well I am a bit worried about my weight but, will hit the sauna when I get into the hotel and maybe hit the beach to run/surf it off...Hit the airport, and it wouldn't be a Pesadelo trip if something wasn't wrong...Plane is delayed two hours and 15 min because of 1. Weather, 2. Service needed on the plane!!!, and 3. The routed the plane to the wrong terminal from the mechanic hangar....Well, that delay pretty much assured that I would miss the connection flight in Sao Paulo and so was put on another flight which would have me about 4 and a half hours later into Rio than I was supposed to be...Being me, I also was worried about my luggage but I've learned to carry the essentials with me...The flight was uneventful, but I must make a declaration which should be put into law: ANY nasty bastid that farts on a plane MUST be publicly beaten to within an inch of their life...I have my suspicions, but if I knew for sure who it was I would have strangled them in their sleep! Anyway, I get into Sao Paulo, and in my downtime I check online to get the brackets...I check my age group: Senior 1 and my belt, weight, etc: Brown and Super Heavy and my name is no place to be found...I check the weight class above and below, and ....NOTHING!!! So now I am freaking out...I send frantic emails and call into Jacare to see if he can see what is happening as if my name is not in the bracket listing, I will just be making a vacation trip and not competing...I get a quick email response from the federation (something they are NOT known for generally) which tells me, I was moved to the Adult (18 and up) category by Fabio Gurgel so I had to fight in that division. This gave me some pause as the Brasileiro is widely noted as one of if not THE toughest tournament in the world (some even say harder than the Mundials) and I would be fighting guys in their early 20s who have been practicing the art much longer than me in the toughest tournament around...I was confident of my cardio but had trained for 5 to 6 minute matches and not 8 minute matches as is the case in Adult...I catch the flight from Sao Paulo to Rio and share the plane with the Canadian National Women's track team...Whoa!...Guess that makes up for the flight delay! lol...When I finally get to Rio, I call Jacare' and he explains Fabio moved me as the team would be in a close race for points and he thought I could help...I admit I did not feel the same way, but wanted to do what I could to live up to those expectations and was flattered that The General thought so highly of me! I was also worried because I've had a good streak of the Major championships going at my age bracket in the GI since getting my brown belt...World(Master&Seniors), American Nationals-Weight and Absolute, US Open Absolute, European-Weight and Absolute, Pan Am Weight and Absolute, and wanted to see if I could keep the same through this year's World(Master&Seniors)....Ah well...We will see how it goes...Get in to Rio and it's raining...MAN I am pissed as I wanted to hit the beach...I do proceed to go and eat at Porcao (you have GOT to have the baby beef!!!) and then get in the ca to try to go over to Prof. Alexandre Paiva's gym to break a sweat....The cabbie gets lost...I tell him to stop and proceed to get out and get lost myself and wander around Leblon for about 40 minutes...I finally find the hotel and hit the sauna...Take off a few pounds (Some I'd gained from Porcao) and it seems I am just right for my day tomorrow or perhaps over one pound or two...But I would let the overnight weight loss as usual take care of that...The Marina Palace Hotel is where I am staying (same place I stayed for last year's Master&Senior tournament), and it is really nice...bed's are a bit small but as soon as I hit the bed, I am OUT...(This is after I find out I can't get my laptop to download my doggone pics from my phone so pictures are coming whenever I get home and dump them...)...Sleep for now...In the morning...I fight on...

Though For the Day: Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.

On My Way To Brazil...

2009-05-14T16:37:00.002-05:00

Weight: 217.4

About to leave to go to the airport....On my way to compete at the 2009 Brazilian National Jiu-Jitsu Championships in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil...Will be staying in Leblon right on the beach...connections will be available, but not sure how often I will be able to update...But stay tuned...My weight is coming down but I may need to drop a couple pounds when I get to Brazil to make sure I make weight...We shall see...
Other than a few aches and pains I am OK and feel pretty confident in my technique...that said, this tournament is pretty well recognized as one of if not the most difficult in terms of competition in the world...some even rank it above the Mundials! So any success over there will be tough...Just hoping I can do OK and not let anyone down...
Still have some personal issues but you know what...God is Good...I fight on...

Though For The Day: I Am A SHARK. The Ground Is My Ocean And You Cannot Swim.

Miles To Go Before I Sleep...

2009-05-11T11:36:00.004-05:00

Weight: 219.2

Well this weekend was NAGA...I refereed there which meant I was on my feet from set up(6AM) until tear down(10:45PM) with only two sandwiches eaten, a few gatorades/sodas/waters and perhaps three bathroom breaks...Needless to say, after having issues sleeping the night before (I got to bed at about 3:45AM, only to have to be up at 5AM) I am exhausted and broke down...Back hurts, head hurts, and my legs are just dead. I am really worried about being able to control my weight as I may not be able to work out how I wish tonight and tomorrow, and just how the wear and tear of all those hours ont he plane to Brazil may afect my performance...That said there were some emotional highs and lows that were even more draining...First off would like to say get well to my little pal Drew who was hurt on my mat...Luckily he has only a sore elbow and back and willbe back to training in no time...But I would like to apologize to him and his mother as I should have not allowed him to compete then...I will not again second guess myself, and thank God he is ok...I also was a bit upset at seeing some folks who just seemed not to have even a cursory glance on really essential basic skills and I will dedicate myself to making CERTAIN they at least understand the importance of these things asap!...Congratulations to two of my first three students who competed in their very first tournament...To do so in such a huge tournament is very commendable and I am very proud of them...Trevor did a VERY good job in his first match and even though he did not end up on the winning end, he really made me proud of him as his effort and skill were apparent against somenoe with a LOT more experience, and had him only a couple points from being on top!....Cory went in, and WON HIS DIVISION!...He is the first student of mine to win his divison at a tournament (George was the first to place as he took 2nd at the past Paul Halem tournament) and crosses another goal off the list! I thought I would have to give him a lot of direction, but he wasn't able to let me know he was starting his matches, so I had no idea he even had started until I turn around and notcie him behind the banner getting his picture taken with a huge smile on his face...I am even more proud of he and trevor for putting into effect their training on their own accord and doing so well! Congrats guys!!!
All that aside, the knowledge I gained from Marcus in our private lesson/rolling last Thursday is still floating through my head...I got a LOT from it that I am sure will have me working things out for the next few months....That said, I have a MUCH greater understanding of closing the holes I have and even got a compliment from Marcus that my technical level is "there"...I hope to be able to work what he gave me effectively and do well this upcoming weekend...Also talked with Steve Hall(Black belt under Royce Gracie) and picked up a few control pointers as well...Watching theblack and brwn belts I refereed this weekend showed me how the tightness in my game needs to be imroved, and I will do so...I am lucky enough to be able to have such good people around like Coach's Allen and Marcus, Professor's Fabio and Jacare'. and Steve Hall among others to mentor me in the gentle art...From this past Thursday I feel as if I have progressed a tad bit, though I have a long way to go before I am even close to being worthy of my black belt....I see this in the way these people and others I lok up to show their knowledge and skill....
Things are really difficult for me life/finance/emotion/health-wise but...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

Thought For The Day-2: Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather doing something in spite, of fear!

So Close...Yet So Far Away...

2009-05-07T15:11:00.003-05:00

Photos By Pesh

WWW.PESHPHOTO.COM

Weight: 224.8

Sometimes when you ask for things you get them, although they may not be exactly as you wished or thought they would be. Like with this weight thing, I am now weighing what I'd like, though I hate that my body fat is about 8 or 9% now, whereas before it was about 5...Problem is, I was/am fortunate enough to be traveling to Brazil for the Brasileiros(Brazilian National BJJ Championships - Said to be the toughest tournament in terms of competition level...even above the Mundials in some respects)....And with me going, I need to be about 216 to ensure that I make weight(221 with the GI on)...That said, I can't seem to just drop weight like I used to nor can I stop my hunger...Training myself to take in approx 7500 calories per day has gottenit to the point where evenif I do not eat much at all, I do not lose the 1-3 lbs nightly as I used to....Oh well, I guess it's off to the sauna for me. Or sumn...I dunno, but I DAMN sure ain't going up to the Pessadissimo(above 221) category as I'm not trying to wrestle with 300 lb and up monsters who also have great technique!
Then my issues with sweep defense, half/X -guard passing, and weight distribution were worked on today. Had a private with Marcus and saw that even though my technical ability is moving ahead, my movement with intent, my knowledge of transitions of weight, and my (for lack of a better term) meanness need work. The subtle differences between where I am and where I want to be were magnified when I tried to put into effect the things I was showed in a "live" environment with him. That said, I sat and took some extensive notes(stopped on the highway on the way back to work to do it as I'd forgotten to do so right afterward)...In those notes and in the way he reinforces the lessons taught really got me to be able to move to the right positions and be able to better deal with the problems i have and hopefully I can assimilate them correctly... Breaking my thought process on my forcing my (in my own mind) best pass(variations on the knee slide) was the best thing out of it in addition to places to place my feet/arms to place my weight heavily upon my partner....Also did some work on my attack chains...Normally, when I attack, I think in 3s...I have three attacks based off whatever setup/control I have...That said, in the last year or so the first attack is about 90%, if I get to the second attack it's usually 95% and I really haven't had to go to the third...Working today made me understand the persistence in passing as well as in having thought go out the window and chaining attacks relentlessly as at the level I am and want to be one day, that is what it will take to get the finish. All in all it really was a good private as all of them with Marcus are but today stood out b/c I could actually act on them once I received the information. Now it is time to drill, as there is one bad habit of mine I have to break absolutely...well...two...one is my arms are still WAY too far out even and especially when passing, but definitely when defending the pass, and when I break guard and move to pass on either side, but especially when the knee is to the same side, I must retain the hook instead of driving the leg all the way across...Worked on some what ifs for there that I feel really comfortable with though...
MY school is picking up though very slowly. I have had a few people come through classes to visit and hope to have left a good impression on them. I have a good mix of very new people, along with some intermediate guys and some veterans. I hope to get some new folks in and therein lies my problem. I am not marketing as effectively nor as persistently as I should. And I am not really pressing people to join when they come. This is mostly because I wish to be fair and want people to WANT to be there, but also I understand that if I do not sign up people to a point I am at least carrying 20 or so students within a little while, then it will be a much harder road to go. All that said, the people who are there come regularly, and they listen. The grind is really killing me though. Between day job, driving, picking up my daughter and especially Tues/Thurs where I have to leave the first class and drive 30 min to teach the second with no room for delay and then drive home 30 min, it is really tough. Add to it, I have been working out early mornings, during lunch hours, and attempting to roll in every class, and I am feeling broken down, but on top of it, it seems that I am losing my competitive edge when rolling as I don't wish to smash everyone I roll with which is precisely what I should be doing in my rolls getting ready for Brasilerios/Mundials/Old-Man Mundials which are all coming up soon...Not meaning I should be mean, but much more effective, much more tight, much more quickly dispatching opponents even if I have to do it the whole round...Just dunno what to do...Just hoping one of them doesn't have to go...
Need to mention I have two of my students, Cory and Trevor, who have been with me for 4 or 5mos who will be doing their first tournament ever at the Dallas NAGA this weekend. I know they've worked hard and look forward to them doing a great job!
Anyways, the health sucks...Can't walk or run for more than ten min without my back locking up so it looks as if I need to get another procedure...But then..if I was totally healthy, it wouldn't be me right? lol
Tired of writing for now, but will be back throughout the next few weeks pretty regularly....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: What is best in life? "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women!" - Conan the Barbarian
I need to get back to that thought process on the mat.

Learn The Lessons That Losin' Some Fights Taught Me

2009-04-21T10:55:00.004-05:00

Weight: 222.8

Well I've wondered where my level is for some time now, and had gotten a pretty good feeling about where I was and what it took to get where I wish to be...That kind of shattered a bit over the past weekend as I did some things in a match that I have NEVER done. I mean not EVER. Not even as a white belt. One of the things I have noticed and been instructed on, is it will be the tiny mistakes or tiny adjustments which would win or lose matches at the level I am now and will be on later. In addition, it will be the ability to instantaneously capitalize on the mistakes of my opponent without thought or hesitation which will allow me to prevail. Well I was a participant in a Super Fight at the Texas International Grappling Festival in Houston against a very good competitor names Lance Rammoth from Urban Jungle. He is a really nice guy and strong as hell...VERY sound and relentless in his Jiu-Jitsu. Short and sweet, We work standing for a while trading grips, then he works to pull guard. I get to combat base and pressure the guard pass twice while he works to reconstitute guard, but I have done my drills well it seems as I worked on making sure the legs were X'ed to prevent guard closing. I get the hip/Fabio pass...I work to side control and grab the inside of the collar with a cross face...I switch shoulder pressure and work to secure the under arm the rotate my weight back over and work for the paper cutter. I walk my body around to north south too far and take my weight off him which allows him room to do his escape. He was really hard to control there anyway...We get back to standing, work grips and I pull guard again...He works to sucker me into throwing a triangle by feeding his hand behind him like Brad often does in class...I had promised myself I would not work a triangle in this event as I wanted to work my sweeps and top game/submissions...My instincts though had me working to get him to give up some of the little clue moves for me to set it up though.
He had good posture and very good technique with his elbows inside though so there was no opening to do so, and my inability to overcome what is so natural to me had me ignoring sweep attempts etc...I end up going to open guard and he worked furiously to pass but I did a good job of replacing guard and fending the pass attempts off...I worked for a triangle set up subconsciously which he saw and backed away...We stand and I worked to pull guard way too predictably...I am still up 3-0 at this point with an advantage for the choke attempt...When I get tot he ground he does not allow me to close guard and inexplicably, i grab the same side lapel, stiff arm him and attempt to do a technical stand up. I have NEVER, EVER done this. I have no idea why I got up but I tried, and when I did, He pressured forward, which did not allow my back foot to establish position. He opened the angle to my left(the hand/lapel side) and as I turned into him to close the hole, he hops to the other side. Again, I did something i NEVER do, I leave my hand attached to his lapel. As such, when he gets to the other side, he is not only passed, but he has my left arm trapped beneath him. While there, I did another no-no, instead of moving to open the angle and rotate myself around and out to escape, I wait for him to move. At this level, he is moving, but only moving very tightly to secure the arm. When he releases top pressure, he only does so to further secure the gift wrapped arm. Here's where him being a nice guy comes in, He works the Kimura, and as I rapped my own arm underneath me I could not counter. I am sure he knew this and did not rip my arm from it's socket. Nice guy! I am very honored to have participated in my first Super Fight and felt good to have everyone in attendance stop what they were doing to watch us compete. Lance is a great competitor and I hope to see him again soon in competition, though I am sure he will be a Black Belt before too long. This weekend was really necessary as I had not been really threatened in a match in a very long time(since sometime last year) and even when I made mistakes, I was never really feeling like I was in trouble. The mental part of the game is where I need to grow, as I can understand what my problems are, and how to fix them physically/technically, but I feel the understanding of what I need to do to eliminate this type thing is what I need to work on, and it bothers me, as I have no idea why I did things I have never done. That means I have no idea how to fix it.

I did pick up a sponsor! Kelly' s Lawn Service which agreed to provide $200 per event in exchange for some GI patch advertising so look to see that patch next time I compete! Hopefully, that will show other potential sponsors that I can do a good job representing their brand and getting their name to more people...That said:
I am looking to find a sponsor to help me get to compete at the Brasileiros (Brazilian National Jiu-Jitsu Championships)! About $1,000 would handle the airfare and hotel. If you know anyone or would like to sponsor all or part of this upcoming trip (It needs to be paid for by end of next week as the tournament is in Rio the weekend of May 16&17!!!)...This tournament along with the Asian Open in Tokyo are the only two majors I have not yet made. To feel worthy of promotion to Black belt, I need to get to this one at least and do very well as this tournament has been said to be much stronger at times than even the Mundials and Masters/Seniors World's. So hopefully, I can come up with some sponsorship to help me make this important stop on my journey to the Black belt. I can offer GI Patch sponsorships and/or private lessons in the gentle art in exchange for sponsorship. I am also well versed in doing radio ads etc and will make concessions necessary to give back equal value for your generous donation. Please contact me at bioniqmc@yahoo.com if you are interested or know anyone else who would be. Thank you and God Bless!

My school opened last week and things seem to be going pretty well. Though the Tues/Thur commute and schedule is kicking my ass. (5:30-7:00 at my gym, 25min drive to Plano, 7:30-9:00pm teaching in Plano, 25min ride home)...That said, I have had teaching class be a really liberating experience...Classes went well last week. They were really small, but some guys I have trained with before dropped in here and there making it an easy transition and I had a few folks I am waiting on to see if they will sign up. that said, I had my first two official sign ups last night. Two ladies! I am very excited and hope to see if I can get to have five students on the official rolls by the end of the Thursday night class. I am hoping in the next two to three weeks to add a couple day classes to the schedule. I signed up and officially became a member (well the school is) of the Gracie Magazine Association (http://www.graciemag.com/news/173/ARTICLE/14003/2009-04-20.htm l ) which will afford the school some advertising space in the print and online editions of Gracie Magazine ( http://www.graciemag.com the foremost authority on Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) as well as give an outlet for me to be able to recognize students from the academy in a worldwide forum! Hopefully I can get more sign ups soon as my next goal is to have my school become an official member of the Alliance network (Read: paying member)...That will happen when I reach 10-15 members on the roll. That will afford the school and members some other benefits as well. I fight under the eagle flag now as Coach Allen is a member but I want to have my school and students under the banner as well...Business side of this is really something I need to work on. I suck at marketing etc...

Anyways..Mundials is coming up, and I really hope to have a good showing. So I am going back to my drilling and aggressiveness/attacking thought process training on some things I worked from Marcus and continuing to ramp up my passing and top game. If my pass this weekend can be said to be a bright spot, I feel like it will be to good use there as many wish to pull guard on me to avoid my guard. Getting my top submissions and positioning even better will take that option away if my passes are heavy and tight. I will work to get them there...

Physically, my weight is close to where I wish it to be. I seem to be gaining without putting on a lot of fat and gaining strength as well. My lower back problems have flared up again though and at times it locks up and feels like someone is stabbing me in the back! Going to have to hit the ortho/pain doc and see what can be done. I have a little tweak in my ribs so I have to be careful as I do NOT want another rib injury so close to hese major competitions coming up. Shoulders still bothering me as is my forearm issue back, but...all that said, I have lessons to learn a,d miles to go before I sleep, so I will sleep when I'm dead...I fight on....

Thought For The Day: (A Repeat Because I Like It!) "Forget about winning and losing; forget about pride and pain. Let your opponent graze your skin and you smash into his flesh; let him smash into your flesh and you fracture his bones; let him fracture your bones and you take his life. Do not be concerned with escaping safely - lay your life before him."

PESADELO BRAZILIAN JIU-JITSU ... Born Tonight at 7pm!!! UPDATED

2009-04-13T11:54:00.007-05:00

A Man In Turmoil

!!!PICTURES FROM THE FIRST CLASS!!!

***UPDATE***
Weight: 218.2
22:55
Tonight went GREAT! Had some good friends come through to share the night and roll, and had a few new students come through...Even had some women come and looks like I will have one lady sign up. The class flew by actually and just really served to remind me that This is what i want to do with the rest of my life! Everyone who came through tonight, and everyone who along the way who has offered, help, training, friendship, motivation, support, and/or even just a kind word along my travels through the gentle art to date, i thank you all from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to get to this point and helping me to have a meaning to my life. I only wish that I can give back even half of what I have received. My day was really horrible.Not only did people and things make me feel bad about myself, but really my energy was sapped and I really doubted a lot of things about how I live and what kind of person I am, as well as just was discouraged and frustrated. Tonight's attendance and the kind email/comment from pcauwels (you can see it in the comments of this post) I got were proof that if you just wait, God will catch you when you are just at your breaking point. To be honest, I felt as if no one would really want to sign up with me. with all the excellent options for learning the art in the area, it just seemed like I would be doing this more as a function of peace of mind rather than being turly worthy of the respect that comes with being an instructor. But the few that came and wished to actully sign up with me really made me feel worth something. It was truly humbling. I've realized that as much as we go through it's just being patient and learning that within you, you have what you need to make it through. I still am not good physically (have some issues with my lower back locking up on me terribly...i tried not to show it in class but it was and is KILLING me...making an appt tomorrow as it's getting hard to walk), and definitely have issues to sort out in everyday life, but, I can make it...so...I fight on....

Weight: 220.4

Tonight's the night. My own school. All my responsibility.
Pesadelo Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu at The DFW Gun Range is born at 7PM, 13 April, 2009.
I have great role models in Jiu-Jitsu and in business and only hope that I can follow well in their footsteps, and be able to add something to the rich tradition of good Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu in the area!
Hope I have a few people at least stop through, if not to actually train tonight so I am not sitting there alone for an hour and a half! lol. Setting a goal to have five students sign up tonight!

As for training, I have been effective, but still don't feel like I have closed anything up to a black belt level that I need to yet. Have a few things to work up, especially sweep defense, half-guard/X-guard defense, as well as working on a few new sweeps to be able to chain with my attacks and sweeps I currently have in my tool box. I need to sharpen a few things up for the Super Fight I am to have this Saturday in Houston at the Texas Int'l Grappling Festival. Hope to have a good showing and not look silly.

Personal life is a shambles, financially a bit of a wreck, also worried that teaching will take away greatly from my training and preparation time, and definitely nervous about my time management and ability to be successful business-wise, but, I at least have the school to focus on. No matter what's going on, it normally at least FEELS better after an hour or so on the mats...So... I fight on...

Thought For The Day: It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

The Hammer...Needs To Keep Working

2009-04-07T00:31:00.003-05:00

Weight: 212.8

Sometimes you're the hammer, and sometimes you are the nail. Tonight was my first night back from resting a week without practicing, and I was definitely the hammer. Transitions were crisp, I actually felt like the pressure I put on when in top side as well as passing was heavy, and I even felt confident enough in my guard to attempt to play spider guard ala Cobrinha at this year's Pan Ams(i.e. using my feet on the lapels not grabbing the sleeves but the bottom of the GI top)...Even set up a triangle from there...Worked in paper cutter very easily from top side several times where I realized the broken bone in my hand has not healed yet. :( When you have an night where the only thing you can look to get upset about is a reversal given on a scramble to a top level wrestler after trying for an ill advised submission attempt you haven't ever really drilled, you had a good night. On top of all that, I felt that my cardio was really still there....In fact, it was even better as Marcus said it would be when he advised me to take sometime off...
All that said, I got asked a few times about being belted as the word of it floats around and looked at what I did tonight and over the course of this level...In a phrase: I am simply nowhere near ready. My reversals are still too rudimentary for the next level. My passing, though much better, is not even close to what's needed to be effective at Preta. There are still tiny things that I simply do not know, and don't know that I don't know until presented with them. I am not fluid, not smooth and effective like Black belts should be and are in my opinion. I simply do not have the time in to deserve promotion IMO. I am nowhere near the guys who have made it to that level in a comparable amount of time. Merely being able to compete with people at a higher rank doesn't give me the same credentials as them I don't think. The frustrating thing is that I do not even know how long it will take for me to get there. And with my school opening, the time I have had to train a lot will dwindle to the point where I am not sureI can keep progressing as I have been. On top of that, what else do I do competition-wise? I have won pretty much all the tournaments I have been to at my level and in the last two specifically (Euro and Pan) I won all by submission. I think I am ahead of the curve for my own level, but do not thing I am close to the next. I honestly don't know what to do. I just know that I need more work, so...I pick up my hammer and I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "If you can't come when I need you, then I don't need you."

Though For The Day2: "When on the brink of complete discouragement, success is discerning that... the line between failure and success is so fine that often a single extra effort is all that is needed to bring victory out of defeat."

"It Be Callin' Me..."

2009-04-01T15:48:00.002-05:00

Weight: 217.2

Well, I admit it....I have a problem....They say, admitting I have a problem, will be the first step in solving that problem...So here goes:
Hello, My name is Stephen...
***Imaginary Voices*** "Hi, Stephen."

...and I'm a Jiu-jitsu addict!

***Imaginary Applause***

Well, the mind is willing but the body is weak...I am pleased with the outcome of this week's tournament(Two Gold Medals, All matches won by submission), but the manner and way the matches went, I really see much to improve upon. Coach Allen has put it out there that if I won the Pan Ams and the Master/Seniors World's that he would belt me. I don't know how to feel about that. I have some really deep seated life issues about completing things that I may or may not pour out about the time the day of my promotion comes whenever it may be, but in my mind, I do not feel at all ready, nor worthy of that rank yet. Seeing where I wish to be, watching those I hold in high esteem teach and compete, and knowing what I and others expect and think a Black belt should be; I do not feel that I am any of that. All that said, I was inspired to put more effort into my training, smarter thought and preparation into it as well....I know that I do not work hard enough (not as hard nor as frequently as those who have done what I wish to do in the art). To do so, requires a re-dedication of mind and body that will take a lot out of me as the opening of my school looms, as does a few other tournaments which I'd hoped to compete in come up...Well, I consulted with Marcus today as I do with most of my preparation and competition questions, and pretty much he confirmed what I thought...I need to shut it down for a bit. On that note, no more training for me until next Monday. Haven't had a week off in as long as I can remember. I'd always say I would, but would keep visiting the gym and eventually(usually a day or two) I'd end up back on the mats...I'm like Pookie from New Jack City, except I fiend to choke people out not smoke out with people! LOL....I know I need to scale back some things but doing so seems to take me farther from the ending which will begin the rest of my career(Faixa Preta)...Lack of sponsorship in addition to just not having enough to do it on my own, will prevent me being able to compete in Brazil in May for the Brasileiro(Brazilian National CHampionships, and perhaps from another couple tournaments so that schedule will lighten up, but I need to take care in scheduling training once I start teaching April 13. Witht he hours in place, I will have to add some day training, and private scheduling to make sure I continue my progression. We shall see how it is..Hopefully, some decently skilled people in addition to some new comers will enroll at my school making it easier for me to have some good training...Anyways, I will listen as I've never been steered wrong by Marcus and put myself on the shelf until Monday...Against the pull of the addiction to the gentle art, and in general just to get better....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible. Passion and purpose go hand in hand. When you discover your purpose, you will normally find it’s something you’re tremendously passionate about.

One More Goal Done...God Is GOOD! (Updated)

2009-03-30T09:23:00.006-05:00

Pesadelo Power

Getting Interviewed By The IBJJF

The Crew From The Gym

With the "General" Fabio Gurgel

With Tyler And Some Friends From Brazil

Pesh Photo 2 Before Weight Class Match
www.peshphoto.com

Me And Gian Carlo After Medals - Weight Class

Absolute Podium

Double Gold

The Pesadelo Pose - 2009 Pan Am

Weight: 216.5
***Will write up an explanation of Super Guard later 4 those not familiar with it***

-2009 PAN AMERICAN BJJ CHAMPIONSHIPS

Champion – Brown – Sr. 1 – Absolute

Champion – Brown – Sr. 1 – Super Heavyweight

:)
Won all my matches by submission, including a submission by modified "Super Guard" in the Absolute Final!!! I hadn't said much to anyone, as I knew those who care about me would worry, bitch, complain, protest, etc, but I have been having recurring issues with what I am guessing is a nerve problem for the last month or so. It reared it's head at the tournament, and I did not think I could make it through. At times my right side would either go numb, or just not really respond well, while losing grip strength in my right hand. That said, the power of prayer is wonderful. I kept my words up to God, and he brought me through. The tournament had just about 2500 competitors this year and really ran well and on schedule! I was very happy with that. Also in addition to getting to accomplish another one of my goals, I got selected to be interviewed for a little video feature which will be in the IBJJF website which has some of my interview along with some of my fight footage. Speaking of that, I REALLY need work on defending the single leg by shorter competitors...Need that work bad, as well as some other holes in my game I realized by sitting down and watching the Black belts compete. The guys from the gym did really great as well:

Carl Ortega - Bronze, Sr.3, Black, Leve

Jon Bjorkesten - Silver, Sr. 3, Black, Absolute
- Bronze, Sr.3, Black, Leve

Kelly Rundle - Silver, Sr. 3, Brown, Pessadissimo

Ronald Green - Silver - Purple, Sr. 1, Absolute

wouldn't be a trip of mine without some b.s. involved right??....Well, I almost got stuck in L.A. as the American Airlines chick who booked my flight on the phone mistakenly booked my return flight for MAY 30 instead of MARCH 30...I ended up here at hom ebut basically going on no sleep since getting up and competing yesterday morning through last night. Gonna get my neck looked at tomorrow, and get some good rest tonight I hope. Will get fight video up when I get some time....Until then, I fight on...

Thought For Today: The Entire Book of Job

Pesadelo Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu At The DFW Gun Club

2009-03-24T22:10:00.003-05:00

Weight: 216.8

Closed the deal today. Pesadelo Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is born. Starting the week of April 13th at the DFW Gun Range, I will be starting my school of the gentle art. Have a few scheduling issues to work through with my current teaching and training schedule, but my dream is more than in reach now. Will give more details once everything is scheduled out. I fight on....

Thought For The Day: God may not come when you want Him to, but He is always right on time.

The Becoming...

2009-03-23T12:18:00.005-05:00

The Steve Halls Of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
Faxia Preta e Faixa Marrom

One Of The Bravest And Most Inspiring People I Have Ever Met

Weight: 218.5

As you can see, by the weight above...I am officially a fat guy now! lol...I always wanted to get to about 225 or 230 but it's coming on too fast...Pan Ams is approaching...And I have to be 221 with the GI, which means now I have to watch what I eat, and perhaps hit the sauna Tues. and Wed. That said, I am sure to be able to hit my target weight in the next few weeks after Pan Ams, maybe even a tad bit more if I can put in on smartly. My thyroid is a bitch so while I am OK with it, just hope it doesn't start going the other way and drop me to my 2007 Pan Am weight (167.4 WITH the GI on!)...Trainign has been pretty decent, and it feels good now, being able to listen to my instructors and even other training partners, and being able to more easily assimilate/process/implement into my game the information quickly. Also able to discard better the things that will or won't work.
Had a birthday this past Thursday(March 19th), and I am STILL accepting presents! lol Hope to get a chance to actually party some before the 31st! As far as that though, I am feeling really old...Just tired and run down a bit...Recovery time is becoming an issue, So I must work a bit harder to combat that somehow...Found out that the intense pain I have been having with my right hand is a fractured bone, or perhaps two in it near the wrist. Chokes, especially lapel and cross chokes have become my favorites things to do from pretty much anyplace...That said, I have been having great problem with finishing recently because of the hand issues..This gives me problems everywhere...from stand up to guard to passing...:( I have attempted to compensate but we will see how it goes..Luckily the drilling I do, I make every effort to be ambidextrous with technique, even over doing my weak side to make certain I can still operate. We shall see. I have some really good guys in the open and in my division. The one thing though, making weight will have me at the very top of my class for a change.(I normally compete in Super Pesado to make certain I do not miss weight while being able to eat, but normally end up in the mid to low Pesado range, if that.)...I am confident though. I will Go Gettem! I will do what I do.
Work with Marcus gave me some new insight on to passing some different guards effectively and relentlessly but with a conservation of movement. Black belts make things look so simple. Coah Allen has worked with me on passing X as well as some positioning tips for control...I am much better for the personal attention to detail as well as the rolling with them as I learn so much from even just watching them work, I have been able to gain a better understanding of my weaknesses and move now to eliminate those holes.
This weekend I got some more great tips on passing, positioning and control from Steve Hall (Royce Gracie Black Belt) ...Dude is a wealth of knowledge and gave a GREAT seminar for free at this past NAGA tournament which I refereed along with him in Atlanta. It was really a good trip and that I got so much knowledge on things I need to work on made it even better...
Also learned lessons in perseverance and in appreciation for life and the gift of this Art which I have been given...There is a kid (I will get his full name as soon as I can as I don't have it here with me as I blog.) who competed at the NAGA event and got third place in his division. Doesn't sound like much? Well the fact is, he is completely blind. I was honored to meet him, and that's my picture with him which we took prior to his last match. It really inspired me to see his attitude and watch him move so effectively and push through what could easily be for any of us, an excuse to sit around and do nothing but mope. For any who train, for any who struggle, for any who wish to do accomplish anything, just know that there are people like this kid who show us that the things we use to keep us from what we CLAIM to want, are really nothing. I had a guy on my mat get injured with a serious neck injury(Nick). He had been competing with fused vertebrae in his neck, and on a routine defense of a guillotine, he may have popped that fusion or worse, though I pray it is only a severe strain. Sitting with him waiting for the ambulance and trying to get him calm and ascertaining his situation really had all sorts of things rushing through my head. Cherish each moment you have to do what you love. Do not allow things to get in the way, but also take care of yourself when it is something that could be life or death. His wanting to compete with that sort of injury was foolhardy but also showed that just to be out there sometimes is much more important to us than we can ever imagine. I attempt to push through a lot, but I really do not work hard enough. I allow things to stop me that should not. People ask why I do this. They want to know why I punish myself, though I do not consider it to be so. One day I will be old, and I already have a lifetime of regrets, promise unfulfilled, and a trail of dreams never realized because I lacked the fortitude, focus, and perseverance to make them happen. After witnessing this guy and the little man with so much heart, I can't in good conscience ever have an excuse to not put forth my effort in the best manner possible until I have at least accomplished my longer term goals. Think of these guys when the next time a sore muscle, or a headache, or a personal life problem takes you away from your passion whatever it may be. Do not allow your joy to be stolen by your own hand. For the people who cannot walk, who do not know the joy of being able to just run outside in the fresh air, or play. For those people who dream to be able to be the best at something but are relegated to watch and hope and not even be able to partake in their passion. For those who waste God's gifts. For all those people and all those reasons, I will finish what I start and begin the journey to where I dream of going. all this has been a test. All the injury, pain, frustration of day to day life. It goes away when on the mat. That is a peace I cannot get elsewhere. I can't allow myself to fail, falter, or quit when I see those who can't sitting and wishing. When I see those who should not be able to, move way past their wildest expectations, I know what I have to do...so...I fight on...

Thought For the Day: "Either DO, or DO NOT!. There Is no try!"

Though For The Week And Pan Ams: I want to be able to whoop somebody's ass knowing that I whooped their ass because I whooped their ass, not because I needed help whooping their ass. That's the type of ass-whooper I am, you feeling me?"

Picking Up Steam...updated

2009-03-11T11:06:00.004-05:00

Weight: 207.8

Have a bunch of updates as to my students' progress, the results of my first stripe testing for my students, results from the Abu Dhabi Pro BJJ Trials I placed Third in(was ROBBED!), and my own training to be ready for the upcoming Pan American Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Championships...Have pics and will hit you up with it later on...Right now I want to thank Marcus Hicks, who has helped to guide and shape my game, for coming out and taking the time to oversee testing of my students last night and to Kell without whom I would not be able to run my classes.
I'm getting old...So will just drop a few words on here and pictures later to come this evening...
Congratulations to my student George Flint who in under 4mos of training with me, took SECOND PLACE March 7 in his first ever competition, even getting the submission with one of my favorites(paper cutter) in his first match. I am very proud of him for that. Also, as noted above, my first group of students, George, Cory, and Trevor all went through testing and gained new stripes on their belts with Trevor getting two. My training has been going well but I am really banged up. Pan Ams will happen God willing, but it will be a struggle to perform at top level. for a few reasons...:( Toe is still broken. Very hard to work the throws I like because of it. Still having a recurrence of my shoulder issues and some low back pain as well. Not sure where it's from but it's not merely muscular it seems. Having something wrong with my hand I need to get checked out too...Ehh...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "When I get to do my thing, I do my thing. And when I do my thing, my thing get done".

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling...

2009-02-24T01:06:00.013-06:00

Weight: 205.2

Training has gone well, but the fatigue is just overbearing now. I am hoping to make the Abu Dhabi Pro GI Trials in Florida this weekend. I am hoping if I do, that I can at least give a decent performance. Even though when I've done my competitions style and situational rolling, I've been successful, I've also noticed that the physical fatigue has been having my mental game a step or so slow. Had someone I respected tell me I needed to take a good break. The way I feel, I probably need a long one. Had a chair massage for about 20 min, and had them tell me afterward, that I needed at least an hour and a half to two hours to work my problems out! LOL...There is a tournament I have to ref and perhaps compete in March 7, and Pan Ams coming up at the end of March. On top of that, belting me has been discussed if I can win at Pan Ams and at Masters/Seniors (July). I've never done well with that kind of pressure on me, and it sits in the back of my mind:(. I don't know how I have the time to take a break and be able to perform as I wish, as I have so much I need work on. On top of that, even as much as I am fatigued, I feel like I do not work hard enough nor work out in sufficient quantity to do well. Not too talkative right now, but will write more throughout the weekend! Oh, and make sure you check out my boy Marcus Hicks on the WEC telecast live this Sunday. He fights Rob McCullough...Can't wait to see Marcus take him out and get back on the track to the Championship belt!

Thought For The Day: A time comes, when silence, is betrayal.

Rambling Wreck...Warning: Old Man Falling Apart...

2009-02-20T23:23:00.005-06:00

Weight: 203.4

Tonight made my 14th session of training in the last seven days...I feel it...Bad...Tryna act like I did when I first committed to attempting to work enough to make the improvements I wish to make in the time I wish to make them...Only was a few years back, but it seems like it was 20 years ago...The mind is willing but the body is weakening it seems...More on this later...
Tonight, Coach Allen left me in charge of class so I got to teach. I taught some spider guard counters after warm ups, then moved on to King Of The Hill drills...I ended up jumping in and getting work on a guard pass I'm trying to incorporate into my game....Well not really the pass itself as I have several variations on the knee up the middle pass...But more the transition from different guards to getting the knee and body position correctly to control the pass beginning...also to work on closing off all avenues to the opponent to be able to counter once I've started...This worked well but I have some more refinement to do...Once I got down into guard, my aim was to submit everyone with the elbow push to high guard to arm bar with the collar grab which allows for four options off it (cross choke/arm bar/triangle/omoplata)...Actually the Terminator Choke is something I've played with which can be done from here as well...But tonight the finish of the arm bar from high guard was the aim...I think out of about 10 or 11 rounds I got it 8 times...One that I didn't finish, I got the set up and got careless....Anyways...It's coming along it seems but I need to try it in some competitions and will see if it can be added to the tool box...
All that said, the fatigue is starting to show...On top of not getting enough sleep/rest, the wear of seven days straight doing two work outs per day got to me, as at the end of the rounds my forearms and legs were getting numb...The toe is feeling better but it still hurts like hell when I walk and I can't push off the ball of my right foot, so some of my game is limited...I had planned on keeping up this pace for another two weeks before dropping to 7-9 training sessions per week up until the week before Pan Ams if I can not find a sponsor for next weeks Abu Dhabi Pro Gi Trials in Florida! I'd really like to be able to go to that tournament as the division I'd be in would be filled with black belts most likely...Would be a great test with a chance to win $ and all expenses paid trip to Abu Dhabi...But, With all that's gone on, I just can't swing the ticket...That said, if I can't go, I still don't think I can keep up this schedule of training...I am really just fatigued...These ole bones just don't seem to take it like they used to...I need to look into some kind of supplements and clean up even further my diet, as even though I am fatigued, I feel that the results and rewards that will come from it will be good...Reason being, I am feeling like the more I am in the gym, the easier it is for me to make progress....Captain Obvious is who I am right? lol...It's just so hard to walk through hurting all day...Beside the toe, the shoulders and my neck still giveme problems all day as well....Well, pain is only temporary...No matter how long it lasts right? Will see what I can do....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: Pain is weakness leaving the body. Endure.

2 Iz Better'n One

2009-02-19T01:28:00.003-06:00

204 Between Rolls

Weight: 204.2

Well yesterday was another 2-A-Day workout day. I ended up teaching the day class, as one of our other assistant instructors is out of town. I taught the terminator choke, and came up with a no-gi variation of it (still trying to see if anyone has done it this way...once I find out, I will make a video of it and post), and taught a combination attack from guard, from cross choke to armbar...After teaching technique, we went on to King Of The Hill drills...This is basically a live guard passing exercise where you have two minutes to pass guard and/or submit your partner, while the king, who is playing guard, is attempting to sweep and/or submit you...I worked between lines (200 and under...200 and over) in passing but when I'd pass I'd allow the person I'd passed to stay in the drill.I passed smoothly and transitioned easily between passes in doing so. I think the longest time in anyone's guard was one minute...This part of my game is actually starting to come into it's own as I intend it to though I have much to improve upon before it is where I wish it to be...But against one of the really good guard players and escape artists as well as against one of the big guys at the gym who's defense to passing is to wait until you pass then power throw you over, I made efficient and crushing passes...that said, my doggone toe was and is now killing me because of it...I'm too old to be pushing it but I gotta get ready..Pain is only temporary right?...well in rolling, I was a bit limited as I could not play much open guard for fear of using my foot and getting that toe hurt more...That said, I worked on my flower sweep from closed guard and worked on setting up sweeps directly to leg locks...I got a few of these so it's becoming more natural...i do need work on defending leg locks from sitting/open guard as one of my rolls with one of our black belts who is a leg-biter, he just kept setting me up for them, and i was not defending well at all.
The night class, coach Allen was showing X-Guard entries again and he worked with me on some problems in standing opponents outside that during technique work...when we went from technique to the next drill, it was guard pass wars again..This time I worked my guard game...I was never passed, and had some good recoveries, but when my opponent stands to break, I am not attacking. That needs to be worked on and coach drilled some of those with me. That said, not getting passed was a highlight, especially with my foot as it is...It is KILLING me in these hard toed shoes today (Had to look presentable as I am interviewing a person today...Funny the looks I get with my official dress clothes with my arm sleeves showing! lol)...Anyways...The two-a-day practices are doing well as I can concentrate on one side of the game int he morning, and if I do well with it I can concentrate on the other..if not, I have another opportunity to work..The best way to defend something is to understand how it needs to be worked...that said, a brotha is getting old! The body isn't bouncing back like it used to, and more practices means more chances to see imperfections and things I don't do well...In the light of coming tournaments, that's sometimes a little bit of a blow to the psyche and confidence...
As for tournaments, I am still hoping hard for a sponsor for both the Abu Dhabi Pro GI Trials next week and Pan Ams....No movement yet but I am hopeful...Anyone hear of anything, let me know! :)
As for my body weight, My body fat is dropping significantly, and my weight is staying consistent, and even gaining a pound or two per week..Problem is, with losing the body fat, I'm looking a lot smaller than I'd like:( (as you can see above in the pictures)...I am working much harder to get up to about 210-215...We shall see how it is...I need to work better on recovery though as the work is really getting to me, and I need to put more in...That said, this is what I want...To be professional and a viable competitor on the highest level...I have a LONG LONG way to go as I do not yet work hard enough to make the gains I wish...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: Learn the principle, abide by the principle, and dissolve the principle. In short, enter a mold without being caged in it. Obey the principle without being bound by it. LEARN, MASTER AND ACHIEVE!!!

Po Lil Tink Tink

2009-02-16T22:24:00.005-06:00

Win In The Gym
Po Lil Tink Tink After Workin' Out

Strength and Courage

Weight: 203.6

(Update: Yep, the toe is broken! :( Second one on my right foot. Same one that was dislocated and broken last year! The one that you use for balance and pushing off when walking/running/etc!...The one I'd use if I was in guard or working passes! Damn this sucks! Hurts like a $%&*@#!)
I've said for some time, that if, in preparation for a big tournament, I was not hurt in some way, that things weren't normal. That said, tonight's practice was pretty good. I've learned to like the feeling when I've had a good training session. Normally that means everything is sore, a few bumps and bruises, and some fatigue, but it's also a feeling of accomplishment. Coach Allen is fond of saying, sometimes your are the hammer, and sometimes you are the nail. Even when you are the nail, there is often much learned and gained. Tonight, we worked on X-Guard set up from butterfly guard. This is something I normally don't use as a staple in my game. I use it opportunistically, but then one of the set ups we learned is a problem because of the length of my legs. I can adapt it but the hip switch required to get my leg around to trap my opponent's leg puts me at risk of a pass. So I will drill it a bit more as the other set up where I pass the opponent's arm over, I do pretty well. After we went through the drilling(this is of course after calisthenics and jiu-jitsu specific movement warm ups), we moved on to King Of Take Downs. This is where you have 2minutes to take down your opponent. This is an all out take down battle. Winner stays on as the king. All draws go to the king. No pulling guard, though you may finish with flying triangles/arm bars, guillotines etc...My first round, I go against probably the best wrestling/take down guy in our gym. He is a collegiate wrestling champ and very athletic with great balance. I was the nail at the end, but he told me I gave him problems with my set ups and defense to offense moves. That means a lot as I've worked hard to get my take downs up to par. My judo is much better than my wrestling, but the excellent wrestlers we have in and through the gym are helping to raise my level there as well. That said, the next time through, I go through four or five opponents and get each take down I try while defending very well against their attempts. The last is against a VERY tough guy who is more than solid in everything he does, and is very aggressive. I worked my attempts while defending his, and ended up using momentum to carry myself to the top position off a throw attempt. That said, while defending his throw attempt I catch one of his feet to the top of my foot, right across my toes...it was right across the same ones broke and dislocated last year at Mundials. :( I hear and feel the crack at the time, but only thought it was minor. So I kept up practice. On my last round I could feel I wasn't getting enough push when I would try to step in for throws or when defending, but time was called so moved on to rolling. I guess I was still warm and didn't feel it...But...I started to be able to tell when rolling when I would use my feet to block knees or hips when my opponents were trying to pass. Tonight I worked on a few sweeps I do not normally do, and only allowed myself submissions other than those I normally try. I worked on derivatives of pendulum sweeps and the Terminator choke. Also worked on my hip control in passing. I felt really good about my control and now need to ramp up my work on sweep defense and elbow control preventing under-hooks in passing, as well as hip switching in passing to control the opponent's legs. That said, in rolling I felt like I got everything Iw anted with the exception of not moving my hips back and getting the transition right for the Terminator choke. Well that said, it is very rare that I achieve everything I set out to work in a session, but tonight I got about 95%. I am happy with the exception that when I cooled down, when I push off my foot, the toes hurt like hell. Po Lil Tink Tink. I am sure it's gonna hurt worse tomorrow as it is killing me to walk now...So, I will have to figure out a way to get around it.
I was to have participated in the Abu Dhabi Pro Jiu-Jitsu Trials in Florida, February 28th, but no sponsor, my truck being broken and costing more than they said, and some regular bills due through that time, keeps me from being able to go unless something drastic happens and I come up with some $ or a sponsor before mid next week. I was really looking forward to it for a few reasons. One big one is the ability to compete against Black belts my own size as Purple/Brown/Black belts are all in the same division. Also, the prizes are $ instead of the normal medals. They are trying to make competition in the gentle art, a profession capable of generating a decent income for those who pursue it. Lastly, winning a division and/or the absolute, gets you a free ticket/free six-star hotel accommodations/meals/etc to Abu Dhabi for the Pro Jiu-Jitsu World Championships. There the prizes are much higher( I think 1st place in divisions is $5,000 and the absolute is another $5K with a $100 per submission bonus!). Ah well, maybe next year. Sucks that I just don't have what it takes to find sponsors. Anyways. The training is going well, so hopefully wherever I turn up next, especially if something happens and I can make Pan Ams, I will be at or at least close to the level I wish to be. Pain is only weakness leaving the body, and is only temporary....no matter how long it lasts...Through it all...Emotional and physical...I fight on....

Though For The Day: Cry in the gym. Laugh on the battlefield.

A Pimp Named Slickback (Yes! You Say It All Together!)

2009-02-11T22:54:00.005-06:00

After Training Tonight

A Pimp Named Slickback!

:)

Weight: 200.4

Sometimes things have to be put all together to be understood...A piece here or there only gives you mastery over the pieces, but not the objective of the pieces put together...Tonight at practice it was difficult to focus as the day I've had, together with no transportation, together with finding out my father has to battle the same monster I did (and still do every day), on top of really just being unable to sleep well or at all just made for a tough to focus day....On top of all that, I finally figured out why when I was laying in bed to sleep, I couldn't get comfortable...I think I pulled some rib muscle or cartilage. :( Damn...Anyways, I went in tonight wanting to work on sweep defense and balance when passing and aggressively placing and controlling my weight on my opponent to be able to steer them where I wish them to be and move them into submission position...Coach Allen taught foot-over pass-control when someone is doing the leg between guard pass, and then he taught the single leg sweep off the knee up the middle pass ending in a knee bar as well as the body positioning and weight on the resulting pass after you finish the sweep....He also showed me some variations to sweep from the first defense technique he showed, and on the second this gave me opportunities to work on what I wanted to, as it gave me a better understanding of the sweeps and what was to be achieved to make them successful, so I got a greater understanding of how to render them ineffective against me...Before rolling, Coach promoted two guys from the class: Omar to Blue Belt and Corey to Purple Belt! Congrats guys! They both work REALLY hard and are definitions of "student of the game". Corey has come a long way and is really showing it not only through his own technique, but in his teaching of others and of the kids when helping out with them!...When we got to rolling I ended up being able to work on my no hand body control a few times once I got guard passes (where you work to maintain side control and/or transition without using your hands, just body positioning) and it worked great...My control is coming a long very well though it is far from where I want it to be. The other thing that is getting much better and I feel much more natural and at level about is my transitioning naturally and intuitively while making certain that every transition is a pressure transition (i.e. you put the opponent on the defensive each time you transition to a different position or technique) . I still suck at my sweep defense from a couple half guard sweeps and on one when I stand as I do not place the proper pressure and weight in some, in the latter I do not move away enough and place my opponent at the proper angle to disarm their attack/sweep attempt...I'm ok with it, but for my level(more like for those above my level where i wish to be), i do not defend it well enough. :( I will continue work on it...I put in a lot more work on my grip strength and hip movement after rolling and worked cardio...I do not think financially I will be able to make Pan Ams in March (That puts the Abu Dhabi Pro BJJ Trials at the end of this month in Florida out of reach as well.). The sponsors I thought would be in hand by now as they said have not been heard from, so my limit hads been pretty much reached....That said, I will make certain that I am ready physically and mentally at the level I feel I should be by then. At least that is a goal to reach that I can pretty much measure myself since I know what the holes are. Anyways...I'm sleepe so....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive!

Tell the people you love that you love them....EVERY CHANCE YOU GET! You know not when the chance will be gone.

Fightworks!

2009-02-08T19:50:00.004-06:00

Back To the Future

Me With Alan Do Nacimento "Finfou"
Dude Got SKILLZ

Two Is Better'n One

The Alliance Old Fellers

The Attacking Closed Guard
I AM Bringing It Back

Weight: 201.2

I haven't been up to par on keeping the blog posts regular, and I promise to do so in the coming weeks. Just have had a few things go wrong in the everyday life like having no transportation, along with some personal things so I haven't had much time to get them in. All that said, after doing MUCH MUCH better than I expected at the European Championships and fulfilling one of my goals for the year, I am in need of a LOT of work to improve my game. Also, in need of making certain I improve, get in shape, and ready to go for the Pan American games. I haven't come across any sponsors, so I honestly don't think I will make it, but I figure, closing some of the holes in my game, in preparation for it, will move me along the line further towards the beginning of my Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu travels: The Black Belt...
Speaking of sponsors, I have one of the best as far as equipment sponsors, www.gomgi.com I'd like to say thank you for the support provided for a long time now. When no one knew me (hell don't no one know me now! lol) they stepped up and allowed me to represent them, because they believed in me! This was done on a handshake and a word, and as for GIs and gear I have wanted for nothing. In addition to the gear, the friendship that came along with it means even more. That means a lot. To that end, I will not be participating in the super fight for that tournament in Houston, as is it being held to launch a GI company and they wished me to not only take advertising pictures in their GI, but to also compete in it at the tournament. Loyalty is a huge part f Jiu-Jitsu and in life. Nothing could be worked out for me to be able to compete without me breaking my word, so I will not be able to compete there. When God closes a door, He opens a window. That said, I am slated to have my first super fight in April at the Texas International Grappling Festival! So it's all good.
Speaking of open windows, I was honored greatly by being allowed to speak on my experiences at this year's European Championships for the Mighty 600,000 of The Fightworks Podcast by Caleb (God Bless and Get Better Soon on the Knee!) ...I haven't heard it yet. I hope I didn't sound ignorant! This is the second time I have been honored as such! :) If you do the podcast thing, I have said before, and will say again, make sure you subscribe to The Fightworks Podcast...It offers the biggest names in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and always covers the big and small events as well as great tips for those travelling the path of the gentle art...Even more flattering, is the fact I have one of my competition pictures up as the graphic for the article on this week's podcast! I'm all aflutter! :) lol Again: http://www.thefightworkspodcast.com is the main site...Right now my article is on the front page, but as Caleb puts them out every Sunday, if you catch this later, here is the direct link: http://thefightworkspodcast.com/2009/02/08/european-bjj-championships/ ...
Anyways...My training starts in earnest tomorrow for the Pan Ams...My guard passing needs work on becoming a lot more crushing and efficient, my sweep defense needs to be developed a bit more, and a lot of my sweeps and attacks that I do not use much from guard need to be more automatic. My take downs have taken a huge step forward. That said, I still haven't gotten the nerve to pull off a low single on some of the monsters I face lol. We will see how that goes, but, with the way people wish to pull guard on me, I am working to make that option a verydisagreeable one for my opponents. If i get it where I wish it to be, then my game will pose serious issues...On top of that, I really need to up my cardio, and work on my patience...Position before submission is a top tenet of the gentle art, and watching black belts, even when the pace is frenetic, they have a patience of postition that has them secure the position before moving on to whichever technique they are trying to implement. Patience in this manner, in fighting grips, and in setting up my submissions needs to be developed. This is not saying I am working on waiting or being more passive, but rather the opposite...I need to aggresively close off all avenues available to my opponent, quickly and effiiciently, and move until there is no option for them other than to capitulate to whatever I am attempting to make happen. My cardio needs to be worked on as well, that i may get to the point of those I watch and whose games I admire. My pressure needs to be constant, from any position, to keep my opponent on the defensive, while controlling their movements. To fight some of these guys in my divisions who are sometimes 25lbs heavier than I am, and much stronger, I must move up my cardio work...I will be starting more stretching in the mornings and evenings, and in my cardio work, i will do superset work from 8minute intervals with 3minute training using body weight exercises, jiu-jitsu specific exercises and calesthenics as well as adding fresh partner drills on specific rolling drills...I was very sloppy in my European Championships performances, and even though I achieved my objectives, the work I need to do is glaringly evident if I wish to evolve into what I aim to be....So....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: Forget about winning and losing; forget about pride and pain. Let your opponent graze your skin and you smash into his flesh; let him smash into your flesh and you fracture his bones; let him fracture your bones and you take his life. Do not be concerned with escaping safely - lay your life before him.

And So It Begins Again....(Updated w/Video)

2009-02-01T17:13:00.007-06:00

Weight: HellifIknow

Tired, sore, and happy. Though I come back home to some uncertain and trying situations, I am still blessed. I will write in depth later, but for now, let me say:

Pesadelo

-2009 EUROPEAN Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu CHAMPIONSHIPS

Champion – Brown – Sr. 1 – Absolute

Champion – Brown – Sr. 1 – Super Heavyweight

CONGRATULATIONS To my Friend and Teammate Kelly Rundle:

Silver – Brown – Sr. 3 – Absolute
Champion – Brown – Sr. 3 – Super Heavyweight

PICTURES

Faxia Marrom - Sr.1 - Super Pesado - Final
Pesadelo vs. Giuseppe Fincatti

Faxia Marrom - Sr.1 - Super Pesado - Absoluto - Match 2
Pesadelo vs. Javier Atencia Escalante'

Faxia Marrom - Sr.1 - Super Pesado - Absoluto - Match 3
Pesadelo vs. Florentin Amorim

Faxia Marrom - Sr.1 - Super Pesado - Absoluto - Semi-Final
Pesadelo vs. Alexander Rosgovas

Thought For The Day: God Is Good!

R.I.P. Grand Master Helio Gracie

2009-01-29T11:56:00.002-06:00

What Else? Once More Into The Breach...

2009-01-28T22:05:00.002-06:00

Weight: 203.8

Had a couple of good training days getting ready for the European Championships this weekend, as well as had some that make me question myself and my game...It's been said to me a few times lately that my guard was not as threatening as it had once been. I've been forcing myself to work more on sweeping and passing as well as top side positioning so much by taking away certain arm bars and most definitely the triangle that it's become a chore getting myself back into my attack mode...Problem is, one of those who told me the things I need to work more to get to black belt level then told me a couple nights ago that I need to fire my main weapons (triangles/etc) more... i just don't feel much like myself, but if I am to reach any goals I've set for myself, I need to be me again soon...That said, I've rolled with Coach Allen a lot more lately and done pretty well for myself...I think it is the fact, that I am forced to be on my toes a lot gives me a better performance than at times when I feel i may not be in trouble against other opponents...This is something i need to change as well now...Tonight, my take downs were ON!...I probably should not have been doing them this close to a tournament, but really with thing as they were on my mind, I needed a release, and even included low single leg scoop on a VERY athletic guy amongst my judo throws ...With one exception coming on a time where I kept placing my hands backwards for a suicide throw(like three times I did it in a true brain freeze) everything was ok....That said, my arm...more specifically one vein/artery in my right arm has hurt me feeling like it is either collapsed or maybe feel like something is in it really hard and it hurts like HELL!...On top of that been having some bad heart palpitations at night...That said, my neck and back pain seems to be gone!...If there wasn't something wrong with me, then I'd be worried...That's how it is before tournaments it seems...All I know is, I am hoping to be able to block things out and not look stupid over there no matter the outcome...
Jiu-Jitsu is ok, and with enough work, I hope in a couple years I can finally reach the black belt...May take a little longer as it seems I may be forced to the sidelines for sometime..My insurance company disallowed my claim for my truck, claiming mechanical failure...So as of tomorrow I must return the rental, and by Tuesday I must have the truck towed some place at my expense or have it fixed at the auto shop...Can't afford it...Seeing as I have no sponosrs for any of the tournaments I was to go to, and have to put money away to get the truck fixed, at least everything through the Pan Ams will have to be missed including the training camp up in ATL, and most likely everything up to Mundials at least will be out as I will have to pay out of pocket for everything if I am to compete. All that is secondary to the fact that I will have no transportation for quite some time it seems...between getting to work, getting my daughter to school, getting to teach in Plano, and training, looks like I may only be able to get my daughter to school as it is in walking distance...If anyone out there has a bicycle at least i can ride one to work when it is not raining...Can someone let me borrow one?...Seriously...Other than that, training and teaching will have to take a severe back seat for a while...Gettinga little pissed right now so I will end this saying I am still going to go to Europeans (honestly decided this while writing as I was on the fence), and will do my best to update the blog often as I can...*I hope not to let folks down because of lack of concentration...I fight on...but why?

Though For The Day: Bend...Do not break.

Under The Knife Again...In More Ways Than One...

2009-01-23T19:44:00.008-06:00

Before

Dr. Jerry And Toni (Anesthesia)

Toni Again

Going To Sleep

Dr. Jerry At Work With The Gel

Getting The Bionics Fixed

Now For The Cortisone

In Recovery

The Wake Up Nurse

Getting The I.V. Out

Weight: 202.4

Not in much of a writing mood...So This will be brief...Went in to have my neck procedure (Neck Lancette Injections - Bilateral in C4, C5, C7, and C7 and surgical gel injected into C5 and C6 disks to relieve nerve pressure...) In short, the procedure went well...Actually regained great range of motion right after leaving the operating room...Hopefully everything will be better soon...

As for everything else, I have no idea how things will work out...I have gotten lot's of nice ideas from folks about trying to get sponsorship and/or to raise $ to make tournaments etc...I thank you all kindly for the thought and efforts on your parts, and though nothing has quite panned out, it is nice to see people cared enough to take time to think of things on my behalf...All that said, life is a bitch....And a cruel one at that...It seems not only did the collapse of my front axle on the truck happen but now it seems the USAA insurance agency is trying not to have to pay fr anything by saying they did not see any proof of impact and thus the adjuster THINKS it is a mechanical failure! What does that mean? It means I would be on the hook for everything caused by that "failure". At the very least $2600 bucks, plus whatever they choose to charge me for the rental car coverage which I'd guess they'd hit me up for since if they aren't saying it is worthy of being covered, then rental car wouldn't be either....Anyways, that means Pan Am Training camp, out, Pan Ams, out, Abu Dhabi Pro Gi trials, out, Brasileiro, out, more than likely Mundials would be out as well as all of those would have been coming out of pocket due to lack of sponsorship anyway. So, last but more importantly, it would mean I'd have to come up with towing $ and $ for storage to the repair place and not have a car to drive for quite some time, and thus, no way to work, no way to teach and no way to get to train. Well, at least I'd finally get rest I assume. That said, I finally got some really good work in recently and felt as if I was getting back into form...Little technical errors were being corrected, and in the last training sessions against some good brown belts my size, I was really becoming dominant in my performances...Perhaps this is something telling me to pursue my training the way i know I need to to get where I wish to be? I dunno. I know I have not worked half as hard as I should. I really can't expect the kind of performances I wish to have, when I do not put in the effort required...Putting in these latest good practices and working not only smarter but harder shows me I can do it if I put my mind to it, but that I need to have much more time in the gym if I want to keep improving....I really would hate to stop being able to do anything as I feel like I finally broke through a plateau...We will see how things go...I fight on....for how long, I do not know.

Thought For Today: "It Is A Beautiful Day To Die." - Every day the samurai repeats this thought upon awakening. He will do his best to see that it does not happen. But, if you're always prepared for the worst, life is made easier.

In The Storm....

2009-01-19T09:21:00.002-06:00

Weight: 200.0

Yesterday, I started off doing some conditioning work, a few grip and leg endurance workouts from Martin Rooney, and feels like I injured my left foot again...You know, the one minus a good ligament across the top of my foot? Well it hurts like I dunno what, even sitting here typing...That said, I am driving to teach class, and something loud and metallic hits the underside of the truck OR breaks under there and I notice the truck pulling and making noise...I make it to the gym, and as I am pulling in, it is hard to even turn the wheel to park....I get out to smoke and notice the wheel on the passenger side is tilted in like it is broken and the brakes there are on fire! Literally in flames!...that put a damper on my mood and I had to struggle not to be harsh to the students (I already make this a pretty hard class as it is.) ...Was a good lesson in focus...I got through the first part of class and luckily Kelly walked in and he helped me by showing the pass I was to teach today...One good thing is that something one of the students asked for extra help on, helped to clear my mind for a few and while showing him side mount escape techniques, a tiny detail kind of clicked in my head, and I have made a little bit of progress there as it can be used for a better transition and makes things a lot easier...It was good to have Ron asking questions showing the new guys that the upper belts(he is a purple) still must learn...That said, had a few other issues as my neck pain reminded me I still need to have the procedure this week, and a few regular ole money issues...all told, it put together the makings of a lot of stress and me not being able to roll and work on the things I am already too short of time to get done...:( All that said, now because of deductible which needs to be paid as well as the $ for a rental car for however long, combined with the fact that none of the sponsors I thought would come through, managed to actually do so, registration money, money for babysitting my daughter while gone, spending money, and money for a private lesson I was to take before I leave is all gone...Read about a guy receiving $2500/mo on top of all expenses paid to travel/register for tournaments...A brown belt like myself...and I can't come across a sponsor for a couple hundred...Kinda depressing...Stressful...To alleviate that, I have decided to severely scale back the tournaments I will go to this year to the one or two I can afford to save up for totally on my own as it is just too frustrating to be chasing sponsors that really aren't there it seems...
Speaking of sponsors, I have a great one in GOMGI...They believed in me when no one else did, and have kept me able to compete in top flight GIs and no-gi equipment for the last year and a half or so, pretty much asking for nothing in return other than me going out and trying my best...Well, that super Fight at the Animal Fightwear championships, is out...Loyalty is a big thing to me and in jiu-jitsu definitely...I had to pull out of the super fight as I would have had to take pictures to be used for advertisements as well as would have had to compete in their GI in the super fight...The opportunity to be invited was an honor, but the feeling that someone believed in me enough to stick with me even though I am not all that worthy of it is much greater. I wish I had been able to work something out where they would have let me just wear a patch or something but I see where they are coming from, and more than wanting to have ceratin competitors put on a great show of Jiu-Jitsu, they wanted in addition to launch and advertise their new product...Ahh well, I guess there will be a next time...I think I have secured a spot in a Super Fight at the Texas International Grappling Festival in April..We shall see...
Well last night, I get the makings of a pain episode and really wasn't ready for it. The medicine really didn't work so I laid there all night unable to sleep, not in bad pain but very uncomfortable....I really ain't worth much today...and I don't really have much more to write jiu-jitsu-wise so for now...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "Do not think...Feeeeeel"

.....and so it begins...

2009-01-16T22:26:00.002-06:00

Weight: 197.6

The shoulder seems a bit better...It doesn't hurt constantly anymore, though I can feel it being a significant amount weaker than the other...Doing cardio and PT today and doing drills tonight during class I have been able to mask it by creating even more flow and movement than normal, and it's really opened up my game, so this may be a pretty good thing...We shall see....
At class tonight I got to teach some details on the triangle and then got to teach chain submissions from there as well...It felt kind of good to be able to pass on a few things I've worked on myself...Also did some competition roll training afterward....Was a small class but felt good being asked to instruct a technique while coach Allen was still in the room...Really made me feel like my skill or knowledge was...I guess....certified a tad bit...
Anyways, when I got home, I got a call from the owner of Animal Fightwear and was offered to fight in one of the 3 super fights(2 male super fights and one female) at his tournament in February...I am kind of nervous as my opponent is VERY good, and just for the fact that no matter how many tournaments I have been in, this is my first official super fight! i am sure though that it will help me get ready for the rest of my goals this year and will most certainly put my best foot forward in it! Anyways, i have to still work towards getting ready for the European Championships at the end of this month and knowing that I have to deal with my neck surgical procedure sometime next week...I sure hope I can shake that off and get some work in before i have to scale back to get ready for tournament shape...I need to work smarter as I do need some level of work refining a couple guard passes, as well as some top transitions and one particular top submission on making it more automatic and getting the correct details for when I have to force it and change it to another...Not being able to go as hard as I would without having had neck surgery, I will have to really get the most out of the least amount of training....I feel like even though I have a headache and am in pain pretty much constantly, the level of fitness and readiness has peaked a bit too soon, so I have t work on it....Plus my weight is low...All that aside, I honestly feel pretty good inside for some reason....so....I fight on.....

Thought For The Day: Work is not splitting stones. Use the least force to the greatest effect.

2009-01-13T22:56:00.004-06:00

Tools Of The Shoulder Work

Right After The Injections

Before Teaching Class

Ditto

Pic By Shane Kislack For My Site
Visit www.shanekislack.com

One Mo Gin
By Shane

Sponsorship Flyer

Weight: 200.8

Not too talkative today...Just been mulling over some positional issues I've been having, mainly passing on top through half guard and defending butterfly sweeps...Also, have been having really screwy mental issues...Tiny breakdowns that I thought I had eliminated, but are happening at really critical times...Such as wrong hand placement on the over under crush pass that could allow a triangle or breaking posture at the precise wrong time in guard...Misplacing my weight when on top during the knee through pass or just sitting to prevent my opponent of being able to regain their leg use once I have them...Mental breaks are much worse than errors of incorrect form at times to me...Got to figure out how to keep my mind right...And definitely have to get to work on those issues...Problem is, I have to have time to play a tad bit more than i have time for as European Championships are 17 days away...i need to be focusing in on aggressive finishing style rolling while removing things from my game that I don't feel I have assimilated totally....I have to find a way to do that as well as eliminate the mental breaks and/or the reasons that cause me not to have focus in the first place somehow...Speaking of which....

Went in to the doctor today to have my shoulder worked on...Instead of the normal anesthesia, I just got a does of Versed or sumn to that effect...I may be saying it wrong...And got cortisone into four points in my shoulder to treat the "severe" tendinitis...One deep in the front, one on top under the little bone where the tendon inserts and two in back deep near the rotator cuff...It sucked ASS...Stung a little when the needle first went through the skin even though I was high as giraffe ass, but i could feel where it moved around when Doc felt around to get the medicine to the right place...:( I'd forgotten what it felt like to have that done since I was in college running track...:(:(:( Anyway, it was a weird feeling as the tendons affected most were giving me problems with the nerves that ran close to them, so the shoulder was numb, but I still had use of my hand fully...Ehh...Anyway, found out fromt he Doc as well that it needs to be another procedure as the Epidural procedure cleared up half the problem, but the problem in the disks will have to be worked on again...Perhaps this Friday if my insurance gets the pre-cert done in time...I sure hope so because I may not be able to get in next week, and he is gone the week after, so the grating feeling, and head/neck pain, along with the nerve issues associated with the C5 and C6 vertebrae will be there still...SO I figure if I get good work in tomorrow, and Thursday, and get the work done on Friday, I can let it rest for a couple days and perhaps get a few more days of good work in before I have to scale back....We will see...I'd thought i was done, but if this next procedure gets it done and the gel and meds help, then I will be good...We will see...

Oh

Tonight at class, it seems like I got a new student...That will be GREAT! My guys worked hard tonight and hopefully I am doing well by them...Need to figure out more ways to get them to ask questions and a way to have them more easily assimilate what i am teaching but, things are going well it seems...

Lot's of other things going on in life, but, it is what it is...I fight on....

Thought For The Day: Pain Is Only Temporary....No Matter How Long It Lasts.

Feeling Good Feeling Great How Are You?

2009-01-09T16:27:00.012-06:00

Weight: 199.2

Back from my procedure....Feeling sluggish as I dunno what...But...i don't know if it is the medicine the put into my neck and epidural spaces, the gel inserted into the disks, or the anesthesia has not worn off, but the relief was pretty much immediate...And as to my last times having something similar done, it gets better as time goes on...

Thanks to Dr. Jerry Holubec, Tina -CRNA, and all the wonderful nurses and staff at the Holubec Regional Pain Care Center...If not for them (as well as Scott Colling, Marc Zuber, and James Brown with my chiropratic needs) I wouldnt be able to walk straight or function correctly...Anyone around who needs help from neck/back/arm/shoulder/foot/knee pain or anything else shouls see these guys!

This upcoming Tuesday I am to go in to get knocked out again and have my shoulder tendons and rotator cuff worked on...I hope to be much better and able to show my best at the European Championships at the end of the month!

Thanks and God Bless....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: We can rebuild him....Bigger, Better, Stronger....Faster!

Oh...and...Drugz (Versed, Propofol, and Fentanil) are grrreat! Sometimes! lol

LIVE...From The Operating Room...

2009-01-09T10:45:00.004-06:00

COMING SOON!

Weight:199.6

Went to teach last night, and had a bit of a bad day, was tired, and a lil aggravated when I went in, but my students gave me a pick me up...I am REALLY proud of the way they are coming along. They are progressing slowly, but I can see it.(They can't I don't think...) Went through some drills and taught the cross choke from guard, the loop choke from guard, and the ankle pick take down...I need to figure out a way to get a bit more drill time in without compromising their cardio work as I am really emphasizing cardio, perseverance, and the absolute flat out basics....There is a LOT that I want to teach but I want to ensure they eliminate a lot of the tiny problems that creep into the foundation of the six basic positions and basic techniques so they don't have to later...That said, we did what I call the don't quit drill....This is where you start on your back with the person on top already flattening you out in side control and you have to survive for a period of time (There's was 2min per partner), and the only way you can get done early is to reverse AND submit your partner...No matter whether you do so or you go the whole distance, a new and fresh partner immediately jumps on you and this repeats for a set number of partners...The partner on top, his job is to maintain position, and submit you. The biggest thing about this, is it forces you (as you start out tired already having done class and cardio) to do things technically correct, not panic, and definitely to see how far you will go before you mentally quit...None of them did...They made me very proud last night...That isn't to say they did everything correct...But they got the gist, they tried hard, and they actually showed that they can attempt to work the things they learned...Even when I would be the last person in their set they still kept moving, and working...The guys I have, will definitely be able to go far if they stick with it...I just need to work to get them more mat time, and work to get some more students...3-4 per class ain't gonna cut it to help them get better...

As to the title of this post, you should have noticed by now, that you can see the lil video box at the top of this page...Well, using new technology, from different locations and events, I will be able to stream live video of what I am doing...Today, I go to get my neck surgery again...So, in addition to the pictures I normally get, I will be broadcasting live, hopefully showing things like when I get my IV in, and as much as I can do prior to me going into the operating room and going under as I can...I will ask if they'd leave the camera on while I am in surgery but I doubt it...We shall see...So if you are on between 1:15 and maybe 2:15 it will be a live stream...The program automatically archives it so if you miss it live, you will be able to see later...Wish me luck...They are doing a bit different in that it's my C5, C6, and C7 vertebrae along with my Brachial Plexus nerve bundle...So in addition to the epidural spaces and the actual disk being injected, the nerves will be worked on too...After that, on next Tuesday I have to go in and have some work done on my shoulder (Severe Tendinitis and a problem with my rotator cuff)...I know I Know...I'm falling apart...But....I fight on...

Thought For The Day: Let Go, and Let GOD!

....You Lettin' All The Stank Out!

2009-01-06T09:28:00.004-06:00

http://pesh-edenphotography.smugmug.com/gallery/7026094_hHope

Weight: 201.2

Got a nice surprise from a friend this morning...He is a professional photographer who took some pictures of me at the last American National BJJ Championships...Check out his work and use his services if you get a chance...He is very good... http://www.peshphoto.com/
Also had a tad bit of good news, I may be able to have the hotel taken care of for the upcoming European Championships...This would allow me to be able to go and not have to worry about anything but having the registration fee and food/incidental money for the trip...A good thing all things considered right now...Will update as I find things out...As in the last post though, if you, reading this, know of anyone or any company who would be interested, willing, and able to sponsor or help sponsor me to get to some of the tournaments on my list this year, let me know. I do have a GI Patch Ad sponsorship package available to send out and/or deliver...
Last night was a good night at training...As usual, life problems had me really vexed and in a bad mood to the point people asked me every five minutes what was wrong with me...But, once into training, my mood and feeling improved...My good friend Ron got his purple belt last night and hope t have some pics from that to post soon...He was really emotional about it and it was a very nice moment as it reminded me why the sport means what it does to me...I got to break his belt in and had a really good night of rolling as I worked on my transitions and attacks moving before even necessary at times which allowed me to stay even further ahead of an opponent as coach Allen suggested...That got a few compliments from him at the end of the night which I am happy about...I also, worked again on my positioning from Marcus as well as set ups for attacks from him and have been doing well with this it seems...I do have a lot of work to do still though...Anyways, enjoy the pics...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?"- Sun Tzu

From The Ashes...It's A Beautiful Day To Die

2009-01-04T22:37:00.005-06:00

The Guys At The Training Session

With Rickson As A Purple Belt
Want My Jiu-Jitsu Like His

Pesadelo Kicks
Get You Some Then Go Get You Some

You Gotta Have Self Confidence!

Weight: 199.0

Well today was a day where the blessings come from disappointment...More on this later...For now, i have lot's to improve upon...I am FAR FAR FAR....MUCH farther from rolling at a Black Belt level than I ever imagined...That, is a very discouraging thought, as I felt much more competent...But, that said, at least most of my faults and weaknesses I have diagnosed and thus can work on them...I have a propensity for getting set up for the hook and flip....That said, I have become very adept at preventing being fully swept and controlled and can even mount attacks and sweeps of my own once moved, but there will be a time and opponent who will be able to finish it...That is whom I must practice for. Also my pressure from side control is not up to the standard I have for it...I am working this currently as well as working to improve my transition between guard passes in a dynamic but forceful manner...
Another thing I have been trying to do is to vary the usage of and increase the variety of submissions i use...When i watch really good practitioners of the art, the submission comes quickly, efficiently, and with strength borne of angle, timing, and leverage. I wish to become adept, at a black belt level, from every position at finishing in at least 3 ways...I think I am close to this in some ways, in others very far in that my decisiveness and ability to pull the trigger instinctively are a tick slower than necessary for what level I wish to be.(That said, one of the techniques I've been working on...the belly-down hooking arm bar...I got today without even thinking of moving to a much more favored technique when the opportunity presented itself...This one is in my toolbox!)
I am going to hone these skills and a few other holes I will close up and hopefully get to a respectable level of ability soon.
Today, I tried to organize a Black/Brown belt only training session...It seemed very promising as at least 15 people replied in the affirmative that they would be in attendance...This was being done to provide a place and time to train without having to worry about the responsibility of teaching students as well as to have people as good or better than you to roll with who are your size, smaller, and bigger...I had very high hopes for this as I figured, that despite all the politics and bullshit of the BJJ schools of the area, that this was an opportunity to help make the practitioners of the area better equipped to face that level of competition when in the bigger arenas outside TX as well as to help make a better relationship among schools here by starting at the upper belts and filtering down...Even though I had the permission of my instructor, even trying to get this set up was opposed vigorously by some, and doubted by more...i guess there was something to it, as today came and a few ended up with things to do, and many just did not show up even after saying they would. Why, I do not know, but perhaps concentrating on my own game and not being so idealistic in nature and thought would be prudent...Anyways, The only ones who ended up showing up were Carl (Black Belt), Kelly, and Johnny(Brown Belts)...This was actually a good thing and a good day though...I got to roll with guys whom I could not let my guard down with, and whom I could learn a lot from...(I especially always learn a LOT from Carl as he is a treasure trove of information and techniques and uses them with very good efficiency as well as having a good handle on showing something where you can understand it easily)...That said was also good to roll with Johnny who's skillset presents some special problems and Kelly who is heavier and stronger than I am and the same height...We rolled for about an hour and a half, had a good time and trained really hard...I am really sore and exhausted, but I did very well today in the training and got a LOT out of it...I am thinking of perhaps seeing if maybe one or two more folks from our gym will come and make it a monthly or bi-monthly thing, rather than trying to open it up and being disappointed...I don't know though...We will see...I thank the guys who came as I enjoyed today greatly even though it was initially disappointing...They are all good guys whom I look up to
Well, I have a much longer road to the beginning of my journey than I thought, and must work on much to get to start...Better eating, adding to some different areas of fitness such as grip strength, getting to my proper fighting weight, and getting the right amount of rest are all on my docket...As well, I will make certain that in my six days of training, I go out of my way to make my training as difficult as possible to maximize my gains...
The European Championships are coming up...I hope to make a good showing there...IF I end up going...I've gotten a plane ticket but finances took another downturn and without some sponsorship, no hotel, no registration etc etc which means I wouldn't be going at all...Can't go ass out in another country! I have a friend helping with putting together a sponsorship flyer and hope to hit a few stores/companies soon to present that and try to see what I can garner...Say a prayer for me in this endeavor please and if you know anyone/any company/etc who would
like to or be able to donate/sponsor me, let me know...Hell, if you want to donate/sponsor me, let me know...To reach the beginning of my journey( Faixa Preta ) these competitions and trips this year are pretty essential...So, in that vein and on that note...I fight on....

Though For The Day: It's A Beautiful Day To Die - Every day, the saurai repeats this thought upon awakening. He will do his best to see that it does not happen. But, if you are always prepared for the worst, life is made easy.

Rolling Downhill...

2008-12-31T10:15:00.002-06:00

Weight: 200.2

In Jiu-Jitsu, life lessons can be learned, if you just pay attention and apply them.
Talking to my coach about what the things are the I need to work on that differentiate where I am from where I am currently to where I wish to be.(Faixa Preta)...He said that tiny tiny mistakes, are all that are there to fix and I am there...The problem with tiny mistakes is that they are so tiny and imperceptible even when looking for them, that they are the hardest to eliminate. The problem is though, that at this level you realize, that tiny tiny errors, turn into really huge horrendous errors. Same goes for life.
Rolling with Marcus in training a little while back, the tiniest of errors in my style/set-ups/movement, turned into the worst errors...Like a big snowball, once I made a small mistake or did not work a set-up properly, that was it. Rolling with him made me feel like a white belt at times as I got a lot of my game from him and he would shut things down before I even thought of moving to do them at times...That said, I learned a LOT from that session...I did have bright spots that I am happy about, as I worked a couple of things as far as reversals/defenses that I can feel confident in now, but really the smashing I took in that session of just over an hour has given me enough information that I could probably carry on for a year and not cover...
That said, once back in class setting, I could see how I was more conscious (on an unconscious level) of making sure I wasn't starting the avalanche of error by performing techniques and positioning correct from the jump. I have a lot to work on, but I am going through these areas and cleaning up shop...In the coming months (IF I get to compete as it looks as if I am missing Pan Ams, Brasileiros, etc because I honestly can not afford it and have no monetary sponsorship) , I must be much more wary of these things as they can be capitalized on by opponents at the level I wish to attain. Like when I don't position myself correctly once I've passed, I can not attack but must work to prevent being swept and then work from a dangerous position..Or when I do not execute correct positioning or handling of a submission or sweep, I end up expsing a foot or leg to a submission attempt that is difficult to stop...Or when not controlling the hands to my feet I allow my legs to be controlled for the pass and can end up really in a world of hurt...These things need to be eliminated by being early in proper technique as well as having a mindset, that I CAN achieve the proper position/movement/submission/etc...that energy, that attitude is important as well...
This theory of snowballing works in every day life. Today started off very bad, as far as transferred energy, and slowly is working it's way downhill. Honestly, this was allowed to start, because instead of working to make certain of fixing an issue from all angles, I merely believed it would be handled, and allowed it to come back to be bigger than it should have been. That works it's way downhill, bigger and harder to stop than if I had not allowed the imperfection in the first place...
Anyways, that all stops. Everyone gives these diatribes about how the new year will be great etc etc, and I am no different. I won't do that anymore, but I will just bury myself in the art, both literally, and figuratively and eliminate tiny imperfections...In that way, I fight on...

Thought For The Day: “Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother." - Khalil Gibran

Success Equation

2008-12-15T12:40:00.002-06:00

Weight: 202.0

Have a lot going on...Trying to heal right and that seems to be coming along well...But life's lil screenplay keeps throwing plot twists day by day...That said, this picked me up, as I was feeling a bit down at not having mastered a few techniques/principles I'd scheduled myself to have done by now, and the looming probability that some of if not most of the tournaments I plan to make to proceed down my path I don't think I will be able to dispute. Anyways, I hope this give you, in your travels through the gentle art, whatever your chosen path may be, or just life in general, the same glimmer of hope it gave me...

God Bless you and thank you for the time you give out of your day to follow what I write.

How You Gon' Walk With No Feet? ... Old And Breaking Up.

2008-12-14T02:49:00.006-06:00

Got To Get Back At It Soon

To Win Here Next Year... A Quest

They Can Rebuild Him... Have To Do This Again Soon :(

The Scene Of The Crime

Weight: 200.2

As in the last post and the one before it, I'd come to the decisions about where I wanted to go, and knew the things I needed to do in Jiu-Jitsu as far as training, and was to set about doing so. I read an interview with Romulo Barral, after he'd done so well at the 2007 Mundials, where he was asked what the difference was that allowed him to make such an improvement....He said, when he started thinking, acting and training as a champion, as a professional, he started getting the results he wanted. He was always pretty good, but to get where he wanted, he had to train as those who won at the highest levels did. I realized, I was not doing this. I was not methodical enough, not persistent enough, and I did not have enough focus.
Well, I made my plan, laid out the parts of my game which needed to be worked (Top side submissions and control, decisive actions, half guard sweeps, take downs, de la riva counters, and guard passing in no particular order). I decided among other things, to work very hard in rolling as I had not worked as hard as I should have before...Also, I made a decision to increase my drilling before classes...This past Monday I go to work at training, and work drilling my passes before class...I worked my variations on the knee through pass to either side, and I need to work a lot harder on my control and positioning once the knee goes through...It's coming but I am not driving my weight through my opponent...Also need to make certain of my hand placement to prevent the opponent from getting to their side once the pass is almost finished....Anyways we move on to training and coach showed some attacks from side control as well as the flower sweep from guard...That was one of my favorite so when people asked me questions and I had to answer that was ok, but when working the side control techniques it was a bit hard to take as I need the work...Well, we then had a talk about the team's performance at this past NAGA...I wasn't able to compete:(...Anyways...We took 1st in No-Gi and were very close second in GI, had I been able to compete I think I could have helped us to win...But afterward we had a student get blue belted, which is always a great time for the gym (Note: this past Wed. we had a student purple belted), as coach doesn't promote very often...Anyways...time to roll...
Well there weren't too many people who wanted to roll so I sat and did positional and movement drills the first round...about halfway through I get asked to roll and got a chance to work on a different kneebar set up and worked my positioning in side control (I got a compliment as he exclaimed that my base was really heavy and solid) and though I moved my positioning , I kept very good control even when transitioning and isolating limbs...I could stand to improve still on my decisiveness though...I pulled off my submissions(about 4 or 5 I think in a few minutes) but I want to make them a bit more crisp...Well after that I grabbed anyone I could get to and rolled ...I even got to roll with coach which was a good workout, as I worked a lot of different setups I wished to try, and had a few moments of success moving to highguard and attempting some choke set ups and sweep entries....Had a few people I rolled with afterward and started to get tired a bit...I made a pact with myself that I will roll 10 to 30 more minutes after I am really tired no matter what happens...To increase my stamina, as well as to increase my efficiency under duress...So I grabbed one of our very good guys...a VERY strong guy who is great at wrestling, he hasn't been training that long but picks up everything very quickly and already has a Pan Am gold at Blue and more than a few advanced absolute victories at tournaments under his belt...Well we roll and I kept myself from working closed guard as well as working any triangle or related armbar setups...It was REALLY hard not to do as I could see them from every angle but I made myself work to prevent his head control and to work from open guard preventing his passing as he has a really good top side pressure game, and that would allow me to gain confidence in my open guard...I have a pretty good open guard, but, for some reason I abandon it, or do not use it effectively at tournaments...I need to put it into play as I can use it very effectively...Anyway, The work is going well, as even though I am tired, and not using my A game, I am not passed, and even when I allow him half way past to recover I can easily...Well, the thing with not playing my game fully with someone so good and aggressive, is that the mistakes I make wiht techniques I am developing can be capitalized on...I was working for a new kneebar set up which I can transition into a sweep and or taking the back as well as to an armbar (though I didn't allow myself this one) ...The problem is, I was telegraphing it, and did not keep my left foot inside as it should have been...he pounces on it and turns away from me...I, thinking that he is trying a kneebar of his own(I feel his hand on the side of my foot, and heel), do the kneebar defense where I figure four my legs and bring my heel to my butt....Wrong move as I do not realize since I cannot see his hands, he is after a toe hold but really has either side of my foot and is wrenching it to try to finish...i think I am fine s when he rolls and puts his force into it, I still feel I am OK until I hear a couple really distinct pops over the din in the room...I then feel an intense pain in my knee, and ankle...Why me?
Well, he stopped as soon as he heard it, and everyone crowds around, and it starts hurting even worse...Once, I finally get calmed down and sat for a minute, I realize i have to get to the hospital to have it checked...I decide to go to the Towne Center Emergency room community place near my house instead of risking sitting in an emergency room of a hospital all night...Coach says he will take my daughter and meet me as I can drive with my right foot so they help me to my truck I get in and drive as that place closes at 10 and it is 945...I do feel heartened that my cardio felt like I could continue rolling for another hour if need be, but I digress...I get to the place at 957 and think immediately, this is a bad frickin idea!....I have no help to the door! lol...So I hop in...Worried that I might accidentally hit the foot as it even hurt when I drove over bumps in the road...I make it in hopping, and see a lady looking through the frosted glass door to the back and wait like 2 minutes standing at the reception desk on one foot...This chick comes to the window and says "can i help you?"...I say well I've been hurt training and I need to see the doctor...She asks me for my insurance card...I don't realize that since I had not changed out of my GI pants I didn't have it with me...So she gives me this look like...go get it....NOW I'm pissed even more than when the chick was staring in the back like I couldn't see her silhouette...But I am in pain and need attention so I hop BACK to my truck, and hop back in with the card...I wait again for her to come to the window...Mind you, there are NO cars outside so they ain't seeing anyone...She comes, I give the card to her, she says: "oh we don't take that insurance, best I can tell you is go to the hospital down the road" Now...this BITCH...and yes I typed it...if I had two good legs would have had me jump across the desk and choke the dog piss outta her but as I am hurting, I just say fuck it and hop out...(Note: This place takes cash, so the insurance was a non-issue...I have no idea why the chick did it, maybe she wanted to go home since it was close to 10...whatever the reason, she didn't even try to offer any aid...If she is a nurse, that;s her ass as I WILL report her.)...I call coach and they r right close and tell them I am going to the hospital...I decide on the Baylor hospital instead of medical center of Las Colinas as that one is always full...I pull up to the emergency room, and EVERYTHING is dark..I see no one, even the security cart is just sitting there vacant...I say screw it and decide SOMEBODY gonna help my doggone foot and park right at the door, and hop out...well this lady comes out and helps me in...turns out the glass i so tinted it seems there is no one inside the emergency admitting room...Well, I get examined, and x-rayed (the woman grabs my damned foot and truns it every whicha way like it don't hurt...if it wasn't so painful and she had been in arms reach ...she'd have got it...) and it seems I have a strained MCL, and some ligament damage, one of which seems to be torn....I am supposed to get a boot and see a doctor..BUT, in a hospital...they have no boots...so they give me a generic ankle brace and some crutches and tell me come back ....I get the boot the next day, and dont get to see my regular doctor as when I take off at lunch to get checked out, i get there, and after about 30 min of waiting get told the doctor ain't there! WTF? Well I keep the boot on and work the crutches this week and got to finally see the doctor today(Saturday)...well it seems where the attachments are on either side of my ankle/foot I have some places where the bone is chipped from having been stressed in the injury..There are some floating chips but the little micro fractures are there...:( ...The ligament they thought was torn completely isn't ...Just a bit...and the knee seems to be better...The prognosis is 6weeks to total recovery and I have another week in this boot...The places where the bone/tendon separations are is VERY painful, but everything else is feeling ok...We will see how it reacts when I take the boot off in a week and start doing things again...I will have to try to train and not hurt it somehow...
Reason being is that a sponsor came through with a plane ticket for Portugal...So European Championships are a go...Hopefully Alliance can win this tournament and I can contribute to that...i just don't know how much training I can get in....And I STILL need some sponsors/donations for hotel/entry fees/etc if at all possible, but the main part is handled...That said, I'm bout broke as the ten commandments, and as I write this I am high as giraffe ass on Lortab...Even so, focused is what I am...I will persevere(I'm the bioniq man dammit...ain't i?)...I just started this road...I will prune my tree...I will endure...I have to...This is what God gave me to do...Even though it seems obstacles keep getting laid there to stop me, my personal life seems to conspire to keep me from being mentally in the game, and the wear and tear on my body start to get a hold of me and weigh on me...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "Do not let the body be dragged along by mind nor the mind be dragged along by the body." - Miyamoto Musashi

By the way, you may have noticed the little video screen at the top of this page...In addition to adding videos from my tournament and training, as I usually do, NOW, (once I get a replacement phone which works correctly from Sprint in a few days) I will be able to add LIVE broadcast from anywhere I am...That's right, LIVE streaming video from my camera phone no matter WHERE I AM!!! I will announce times and places and if u are watching the page at those times you will see and hear me live...Don't worry though, if you miss it, those video streams will be archived so you can pull them up later...Just hoping that can give a little more to the blog by showing competition, training, doctor visits, before and after trip activities, etc etc...So stay tuned...Peace...

The Quest For "Beauty"...Refocus

2008-12-08T15:17:00.004-06:00

Weight: 199.0

So what is beautiful BJJ?
(Guidelines Based on Thomas Aquinas' definition of Beauty...Taken From Crosschoke's Blog)

Proportion: the parts of the system are no bigger then necessary and nothing is missing
Clarity: no unnecessary complexity
Integrity: the solution is well-suited to the problem

To me, this means, that the game must be complete. Instinctive reactions to any, even unknown, situation must come naturally. The aim of finishing an opponent efficiently, quickly, and completely should be achieved. No extra flair nor luster is needed when things are done correctly. To eliminate all space, to apply so much pressure, that in the end, when you are executing the submission perfectly, your opponent gives it to you because they are so uncomfortable mentally and physically, is what I see as beauty in jiu-jitsu.
Based on this, I have much to strive for. In my goals listed in the previous post on my blog, I listed the places I wish to go to pursue my elevation in the art and things I would like to do to progress. That said, it almost immediately became apparent, upon scrutiny of my current life situation, funding (lack of it), and issues with planning related to funding; that right off the bat, I will miss most of, if not all of the major tournaments in the first part of the year (including ADCC trials, European Championships, and Pan American Games) at least, and all of them through the end of the summer of 2009 at worst. Rather than agonize over how to find sponsors, worrying about how to exchange priorities in food and shelter for opportunities to compete, I had to ease my mind and let go. Refocus. The gentle art has always done this for me in one way or another, and once again, it came through. One of my goals is to have black belt level jiu-jitsu in this year. Not to receive the belt, though that is a main aim of mine at whatever time it happens. But the goal I wish, is to have jiu-jitsu that is "beautiful". To the learned eye, I wish my game to be complete, whole, efficient, and instinctive. I've often thought of, and mentioned to a few, that after a conversation with Xande Ribeiro about what jiu-jitsu was, and what was the aim, that I wanted to have "beautiful" jiu-jitsu. Not many , if any of that few truely understood what I said, because I could not verbalize it. Reading the post on Crosschoke's blog gacve me that epiphany though. I am greatful for it. Even when my soul is in turmoil...Even when my body is broken...Even when I feel lost and alone...On the mat, in the moment, I am at peace...Tonight, I start working on polishing the ugliness that is my game properly. I rededicate myself to this aim. The tournaments will come and go, no matter how major I find them to be at the moment, and when they are gone, the jiu-jitsu is there. I will keep those goals up and those I do not get to dispute, will serve as a monument to that which cannot be controlled, and deflected, then turned to aid me in progression nonetheless. Had my preparations in life been better, they would not be in question. My aim now, is to build my game, to a point that I have nothing that I "should have fixed". Everything else outside care for my daughter, work, and jiu-jitsu has to support one of those aims or it is gone. that will be my biggest goal of the year. If I can do that much, then I will achieve much more than I ever thought possible, even if there is no one there to see it.
Top-side resumes work tonight. Passing takes precedence, but the top side transitions and control will have attention. Sweeps come after that. Hopefully tonight, no matter whom I roll with, I will gain the pass, not only effectively, but efficiently, purposefully, and most of all beautifully. To let go of all I must let go of, internally, and externally to make my concentration complete will be extremely hard. But for my betterment as a jiu-jitsu artist, in the years I have to be able to still fully physically bring to bear my knowledge, it must be done. It may not be for me, to dispute those championships, and thus, the position I am in, but I am sure this art is for me....so, in my quest to make my jiu-jitsu "beautiful"...I fight on...

Thought For The Day: "Jiu-Jitsu constitutes the natural defense the weak person disposes of against the strong person. It is a sort of leveling process through which brute force, confronted and dominated by the wise application of rational mechanics, is led to admitting that the human being, usually taken as a body endowed with a soul, should actually be deemed a soul that happens to reside in a body" Grand Master Carlos Gracie (1902-1994)